a wiseguy, eh?

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

– Unknown

If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0

– T-Shirt

I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

– T-Shirt

Microsoft: "You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips."

– Unknown

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you

– someone at slashdot

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

– Unknown

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

– Unknown

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

– Unknown

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

– tee shirt

My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they’re like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I’ll trade this but not my charizard.

– Unknown

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

– Unknown

The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX.

– Unknown

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

– unknown

You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don’t have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.

– Unknown

The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"

– Unknown

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

– Unknown

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

– Unknown

Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.

– Unknown

People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

– Unknown

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

– Dennis Ritchie

You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

– Unknown

Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

– Dunno, someone

C://dos
C://dos.run
run.dos.run

– Unknown

once upon a midnight dreary, while i pr0n surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of ‘hot xxx galore’.
While i clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
" ‘Tis not possible!", i muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"
quoth the server, 404.

– Unknown

The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

– Unknown

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

– Unknown

A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

– Unknown

Windows had detected you do not have a keyboard. Press ‘F9" to continue.

– Unknown

Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive.

– Unknown

Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly.

– Shahazad

JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!

– A shirt i saw on a computer nerd

I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident. I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?"

– Unknown

MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

– Unknown

Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.

– Unknown

A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax

– Unknown

The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers.

– Unknown

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

– Unknown

Funny, Useless Lables!

On A Hair Dryer from Sears:
Do Not Use While Sleeping

On A Bar Of Dove Soap:
Directions- Use Like Regular Soap

On Swann Frozen Foods:
Serving Suggestion- Defrost Before Eating

On A Shower Cap:
Fits One Head

On The BOTTOM of a Tesco Tiramisu Dessert:
Warning! Do Not Turn Upside Down!

On M&S Bread and Butter Pudding:
Warning! May Be Hot After Heating!

On A Rowenta Iron:
Do Not Iron Clothes On Body

On Infant’s Cough Medicine:
Warning! Do Not Drive Car Immediately After Consuming!

On Nytol Sleeping Pills:
Warning! May Cause Drowiness!

On Christmas Lights:
For Indoor and Outdoor use ONLY!

On A Superman Costume:
The Wearing of this Garment does not enable one to fly

On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

On an American Airlines Packet Of Nuts:
Directions-Open Packet, Eat Nuts

– – unknown

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

– Unknown

There is only one satisfying way to

boot a computer.

– Unknown

I see fragged people

– T-Shirt

SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0
– returned 0 results

– shirt

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

– ?

As a development process, chaos does not scale well.

– Unknown

"Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button."

– Unknown

COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key

– On a T-Shirt

What?!? I’m NOT A Dork…Just Special!

(on a really dorky hat)

– Meredith Stone

ACs are like computers- Both work fine until you open Windows!

– -don’t know

Windows XP -now comes with free anger management courses.

– Unknown

Propel Propel Propel your vehicle,
Placidly down the liquid solution,
ecstatically ecstatically ecstatically ecstatically
life is but a mere illusion.

(row row your boat)

– Unknown

Use The Best…
Linux for Servers
Mac for Graphics
Palm for Mobility
Windows for Solitaire

– T-Shirt

That’s a PEBKAC problem. (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)

– Unknown

It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard.

– Esther Filderman

Monopoly’s just a game son, I’m trying to control the fucking world!

– Robin Williams as Bill Gates

Whoa! I can submit my prayers via html based forms!

– Unknown

I don’t care if the software I run is unstable crap, as long as it is the LATEST unstable crap.

– Lennart A. Hansen

Who needs friends? My PC is user friendly.

– Scorch

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

– Unknown

Well It looks like an ID10T Error

– IT Support Tech

Absolute addressing corrupts absolutely

– Unknown

If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture.

– Scott Fahlman

It is fruitless to become lachrymose because of scattered lacteal fluid!!!(don’t cry over spilled milk!)

– Andrea and Kathryn

If you want me to change my mind, ask me again when I’m not in left-brain mode.

– Chris Strake

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

– Unknown

Never make fun of the geeks, one day they will be your boss.

– My science teacher, Mr.O’Brian

Video games are bad for you? That’s what they said about Rock-n-Roll.

– Shigeru Miyamoto

Better to be a geek than an idiot.

– Unknown

——Jocks vs Nerds—-

Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.

If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.

This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it?

However…
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.

– Unknown

Genesis Take Two

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from
those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was
good.

3. And God said – Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said – Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said – Let the computers be, so there would be a place
to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small
and big… And told them – Go and multiply yourselves and fill
all the Memory.

6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer
will make new programs and govern over the computers and
programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE
Windows.

8. And God said – It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a
creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire
the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS
and it was Good.<b

r/>

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User – Did God really tell you not to
run any programs ?

11. And the User answered – God told us that we can use every
program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows
or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User – How can you talk about something
you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will
become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you
like by a simple click of your mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless
– since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to
the Programmers that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him – What are you looking for? And the
Programmer answered – I am looking for new drivers because I
can not find them in the DOS. And God said – Who told you need
drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said – It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill – Because of what you did you will be hated
by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you.
And you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User – Because of what you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will
have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the
Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer – Because you listened to the
User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors
and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door
and secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

– Unknown

UNIX is user friendly, it’s just picky about who its friends are

– Unknown

Good. You’ve succeeded in establishing contact with one of this planet’s life forms, and it looks like you’ll get to examine it up close and personal. The giant root-looking thing is giving you a guided tour of its digestive system.

What you experience next is too horrible to describe. Let’s just say that you die as a result. You are dead. Trust me.

It may please you to know that, during the night, you didn’t digest well. For awhile gastric distress made it extremely unpopular with the other root monsters.

– Scott Murphy and Mark Crowe – aka "The Two Guys from Andromeda."

I’ll need help picking out fitted armor. Perhaps I should call "Elf eye for the adventuring guy".

– Evil Ken

Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue.

– Unknown (Paraphrased)