a call from an ex… hah

>My ex-girlfriend Austin called me on Sunday.  I really don’t know waht to say to her… I mean obviously we have things to talk about but nothing to say really.  She really fucked me over when she broke up with me.  I don’t know if I explained this very well last time I mentioned it but I’ll go into detail now… for the 2 people who actually read this thing.  So anyway this is why I’m so mad at her:
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>1) She broke up with me in an e-mail.  Of all the impersonal crappy ways she could have done it she leaves me this weird message out of the blue and I don’t see her for days after.  She knows at least 2 (TWO) phone numbers where she can try to call me and this is the method she chooses?  She could have had the decency to at least IM me or since I happened to be missing her online she could have left me an e-mail that said somethign along the lines of “we need to talk” and we could have discussed things but it’s just so cowardly that she’d do that to me…
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>2) I had no idea our relationship was in such jeopardy of breaking up that she’d resort to such extreme measures just to get rid of me.  those few days later when I saw her I asked her the obvious question; “why?”  She gave me a whole list of things I could have easily fixed had I known about them, and some things that I thought we had already talked about.  She claims that I was treating her more like a little sister than a girlfriend which is totally rediculous.  She said that I was too old for her when I distinctly remember having conversations with her about us being comfortable with an 8 year age gap.similarly she says that 1200 miles was too far when I thought we had agreed to meed when she went to college and got her own place.  She couldn’t have waited to tell me this herself?  Then she opened a real can of worms…
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>3) She had found someone else.  An old friend of hers whom she was growing closer to, and I found out Sunday that this guy was only ever a friend to her.  They never actually hit it off and he was RESTATIONED to another US Air Force base… so not only did she know that he was in the military she never had a romantic interest in him… and she left me why, again?  on top of that, back during our final IM conversation she said somethign that really gave me a blow to the hammock-and-two-sailors when she said “He gives me the respect I deserve”… AS IF I DIDN’T?  She tried to sugarcoat that statement but the way she said it made is sound like I treated her like dirt or something when the opposite was true.  Doing what she did is like throwing away a nice professional digital camera and getting a disposable camera to replace it.  Once it’s developed you throw it away.
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>4) She never told me about her problems, supposedly because she didn’t want to make me depressed.  It’s not like that was goign to be a problem, because I enjoyed helpign her through them when she *did* speak up, because hey, I was her boyfriend and I wanted to make sure she was happy since itwas long distance, and the only way to do that is to communicate.  As much as she promised to tell me what was wrong she still never said anything.  I found out more about her from her friends than from her.  Like she hadn’t given me her picture for like the first 2 and a half years I had known her, because, she claimed, she had no way to send one.  then when she got a scanner, she didn’t know how to install and use it, or it was broken.  I talk to her friend Alex one day and she says flatly she never wanted to send me her picture in the first place despite promising to.  Basicly she lied to me.  She never truly trusted me.  She played childish and sometimes hurtful pranks on me almost all the time.  Even still, I can’t egt over the fact she lied to me like that, because she knew full well that the one thing I hate is a liar.
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>5) And this is why that was our final IM those few months ago and I haven’t talked to ehr since:  she said she didn’t want to be my friend anymore.  She had told me before that it would be too hard for her to be my friend because she loved me still.  I asked her if she was sure she wanted to do this and have nothign to do with me and she confirmed it directly to me.  I reminded her that I wouldn’t be speaking to her again if she went through with scrapping over 2.75 years of friendship and love (at least from me), and she said she was ok with that… and then she calls me back on Sunday and says she lied and she really does want to be my friend and she was stupid and she made a mistake and boo hoo hoo blah blah blah.  I hate liars.
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>Those were the things that pissed me off abotu the whole situation.  I was so unprepared for her to break up with me like that, when she made it sound like I didnt’ respect her and then she told me she didn’t want to be my friend I really didn’t have much trouble breaking off communication with her.  It pained me to scrap what I considered to be a very important and deep friendship… but not so much because of the way she just tossed me out of her life like she didn’t really care anymore.  Since she left I did some thinking about the problems she set forth and I set up some guidelines if I ever found myself fallign for another person on the internet.  they have to be within 3 years of my age, and they have to live within 100 miles of where I live.  or be in Dallas/Ft. Worth or Houston.  those are places I can drive to in my car on a weekend.  I can tangibly visit those places without a plane ticket or taking off from work.  She’s not going to be immature or childish.  Considering all those restrictions alone I doubt I’ll ever date anyone on the internet again.  I decided my biggest problem was that I have more patience than an average person, and I never should have expected someone to wait more than 2 years to even meet me if they really loved me.  People need physical contact.  They need tangible evidence that people love them.  They don’t trust what they can’t see.  They fear what they don’t know.  and now, I don’t trust what I can’t see either.  I’m going to expect every girl I meet on the internet is some fat scottish schizophrenic with too many cats.  I simply can’t trust anyone because of the actions of a few.  If I don’t believe what is told to me I can’t be lied to.  the worst part of being lied to is being suckered into believing it and I’m not the kind of person who takes lightly to that shit.  when she called she was all appologetic and I accepted her appology because I’m that kind of a person… but I’m still heavily considering her offer to be friends again, because a girl like that is trouble.  I don’t want to love her like I used to because I don’t trust her anymore.  Hence I also don’t really want to be friends with someone who’d even say they don’t want to be my friend and be serious abotu it, and then change their mind.  She’s just a fickle kid who has no clue what she wants and I’m going to let her find it on her own now.  I’m through holding her fucking hand.  I’m tired of being a pushover and a sucker, so I’m not going to do something thathas had a consistant history of not working for me.  in any case…I meant to post this on Sunday but I have not had a single free night since.  Yesterday was indeed my birthday.  I actually did something for the first time in like 10 years.  I’m sick of writing now though so I’ll see ya