so long

It has been so long. And I am a little bit drunk and nothing is as it should be. Which is all the more reason I should have been writing. But we have already estabilshed that it is when I should be writing most that I abandon my diary most. I wrote twice… on scraps of paper at work on slow days. But it hasn’t been enough. It was alll about choice. Variations on my last entry. Maybe they were repetitive, but they were important repetiions for me. Perhaps it says something that I needed to repeat it to myself. I will post them. But for now…the choices are made but the symptoms? factors? temptations? frustrations? rebellions? confusions? concerns? still linger. Does it matter whict is? Perhaps that makes all the difference. If there is a difference to make, because like I have already said…the commitment is made and I will stick to it because I know from past experience that, in long run, this is the right decision. And, because, it is far past time I stick to something, someone.

I missed you. I have begun catching up on everything I missed. Perhaps it is significant that I feel like catching up on your ives is more important than updating on mine. I will get to it. But I have so little time to myself these days. It may take a while.