01/27/2010
The Pennsylvania Prison Society called me last night to offer me the Life Skills Educator position. I called today to turn down the position. Financially, it is a big gamble to quit the job I have now with its healthcare benefits and job security. Even when everything goes wrong that day, I still come home in a good mood. For the last five years I have worked incredibly hard (going to school full time, working full time, and doing a part time unpaid internship). I missed a lot of time with my friends and family with the idea that once I finished school I would find a good job I enjoyed, finally have time to spend with friends and family, doing things I enjoyed. I would have a real life and have time to be happy. Now college is over and I finally have that. It may not be the route I expected it to take, but ultimately, I reached that goal.
When I called to turn down the job, they practically begged me to reconsider and told me that even though the program may be ending in June, they will still keep me with the organization in a different position. Which is encouraging, but there is no guarantee that the position would be full time, meaning I would lose my healthcare benefits, and there is no guarantee that I would still be making the same amount of money. I didn’t become a social worker to become rich, but it would be a little difficult financially to suddenly downgrade my salary by $5,000 or even $10,000. I have always been excited about the next big step in my life and the next big opportunity, which is what has made me put aside current happiness for potential future happiness for so long, and paradoxically is what makes this job so appealing.
However, I have also gained a greater respect for some of the more mundane aspects of a career and life, such as job security, health insurance, and time to spend with family and friends. You know…the things grown ups appreciate.
It’s kind of hard to kick my addiction to new beginnings, but it is a little bit more difficult to throw caution to the wind and seize every new opportunity, regardless of how precarious it may be, when there are things like car payments, medical bills, and rent to worry about.
Oy. I have to call them by 9AM tomorrow morning with a decision. It sounds like the decision is already made, but it is really hard to make myself say the words and officially. That makes it all real.