7/15/08

It’s been a rough almost month since I wrote last. The hiatus has been subconsciously intentional. Because now that I have admitted to myself that I don’t want to be in this relationship, it’s taking all of my self-discipline to stay in it until it is time for me to move out. I am ansty enough without writing about it.

I’m counting the days. Which is awful. Because it isn’t his fault. It’s me. I never should have moved in. If I hadn’t, I could have ended it. Or maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to end it. I hate feeling accountable to anyone for how I spend my time. I like being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it.  And living here with him in his house makes me too accountable for comfort.

But I have very few other options for the next month and a half. So I am not going to write about it. I am going to deal and exist and try to enjoy the parts of it that I can. I’ll be back when I move. When grad school starts and I can breathe freely again.