02/02/2013

So, finally, after a year, Mike and I are willing to tolerate each other for the sake of Jamie. I hung out at Jamie’s and Mike was there last night. In the beginning it felt awkward, but then it kind of felt like old times. We made jokes at each other’s expense, pretty much acted like we were on good terms. I know we’ll never really be friends, but it was enjoyable. I had fun.

I was willing to take him home, because he had to walk in the cold, and when I got back to Jamie’s he texted me about getting food. So I went back with Jamie, we all got food and hung out at Jamie’s again, but Charlie wasn’t there anymore, and that’s when we acted more comfortable around each other. Anyway, when I took him home the second time he acted a little weird and asked me if I wanted to go look at something in his house. Right when he said "Do you want to see my new thing?" I was like "….<.<" But anyway, we went inside and he showed me this new high tech light saber. He showed me his new guitar and some other stuff, and the whole time I had my arms crossed. I realized I looked like I was hugging myself, but in my head I was thinking "he’s going to try something, isn’t he?"

Well, that time came when we were talking about his new sweater-cardigan thing. I ended up grabbing his man boobs so he did it to me and then tried to go under my shirt and I was like "Hey, I’m over your clothes". Anyway, he ended up kissing me, and for a few seconds I just sat there, but I told myself "kissing is ok, just no sex." So we made out, he got all touchy feely, grabbing my boobs and stuff. And his excitement became…evident. I pulled back and said I needed to leave. My memory is kind of fuzzy on details of what all he said. But I know he was kissing/biting my neck, and he said stuff about going to his room and making a proposition. I kept pulling my bra back down and pulling away a little, to fall back into kissing. It was nice. See, he was my first kiss, so kissing him feels very natural. My mouth feels really dry now though. Anyway, he started easing me back to his room, and I grabbed the sides of the walls that formed where a door could be place, but there was none, and I said I couldn’t.

He asked me for a reason, and if I had a good one then he would understand or something like that. I kind of just caught the "give me a reason" thing and my mind was fucked and I was trying to figure out why I didn’t want to have sex with him….besides the pregnancy fiasco from last time. I didn’t think it was wise to mention that. See, this whole time he was kissing on/rubbing on me. It was hard to think. Finally I said that I didn’t want to have sex with him again the first time I saw him in a year. He said "Let’s talk about it in my room so no one can hear us, and I won’t even shut the door."

So we were standing in his room and he said "yeah, we haven’t seen each other in a year, but we’ve known each other for ten…" and I can’t remember the rest of what he said about that, honestly. He kept talking, and I kept thinking, "I have to go." and I said I couldn’t stay because I was late getting home and I had no time. He asked me to make time. Oh, I do remember asking him why he wanted to have sex with me when he has like five girls. He said it was an understatement, but that I was also talking to a lot of people, he said like 12 guys. "Trey, Rocky, Matt…I don’t want to think…" something something. But in my head I was like "12 guys? I haven’t even been with that many people my whole life let alone that many at the moment" Since Rocky and I broke up I’ve had sex with one new guy, and two exes, so it was like recyclying. Yeah, that’s something I haven’t mentioned. I had sex with Rocky a while ago, after the break up.

Anyway, point remains, I’m talking to Trey, we haven’t had sex, I did have sex with Matt and he’s my newest, and Rocky and I had sex after the break up. But I’m not at number 12.

But I didn’t argue those points because it didn’t really matter. There was truth in his statement that I have people, too, right now. Being Trey, Rocky, and Matt. I may not be having sex with Trey, and Matt and I only did it once, but still.

Anyway, finally I just said I had to go, and walked around him and went to the door. He let me, which surprised me. I mean, he had been resistant before. But either way, he walked me to my car, he talked about his lady problems as of late, and I went home. Mouth drying out and heart racing. I felt…proud of myself. I think I’ve only turned him down once before, and that was in public, I wasn’t in his room. Next to his bed.

On my way home I slid on ice. At first I thought i was hydroplaning because it was sprinkling. I was kind of in shock. Anyway, my car turned completely around and faced the opposite direction, the ass of my car going forward. Lucky for me, I just ended up coming to a stop on the side of the road where cars park sometimes, and barely touched the wall. I don’t think there’s even any scratches on my car. It scared the shit out of me and I was hyperventilating the rest of the way home, but hell. I was pretty damn lucky!