11/23/2012

Rocky took me to a family function for Thanksgiving. We were there from Wednesday evening until this morning. I had fun with his family, but he seemed distant while we were around them. At night he was super sweet. But around them..it felt like we weren’t even together sometimes. When I mentioned it he said he just wasn’t into pda. Well, the original plan was we would wake up around nine or ten, and he would take me home around 11. The plan changed to us waking up at 4 am to go with a couple of his cousins to go shopping. Which was fine, but I was running on four hours of sleep, and then we were walking around and shopping for five or more hours. After four hours, my feet were hurting really bad and I asked if after we finished up at the mall if he would take me home. He acted annoyed. He wasn’t even going into the stores, he was just waiting on them to finish by that point. But he said he would take me home after, but we weren’t leaving until they were done with the mall. Even though we just walked around with them until they found a store and waited outside.

He finally decided to take me home when his cousin, Kelly, mentioned that I looked like I wanted to go home, when I was nodding off where I was sitting. He didn’t talk to me at all on the way home. But when he dropped me off he acted sweet again and said he had fun with me, kissed me all that and left. I had asked him if he wanted to come in, but he said he was just going to go home.

When we first started shopping, we went to walmart, and for the third or fourth time he walked off and didn’t wait on me. He was walking to walmart and I was trying to follow and asked him to wait up, and he didn’t. He reached his cousins, and Kelly was motioning to me like "wtf?" and I when I finally reached them, I said "yeah, he does that a lot." She said, "Yeah, I saw him leaving you behind when you got out of the car."

I don’t understand it. It wasn’t even raining or something. He just walked off. Again. I wanted him to just walk with me. And I don’t walk slow, so what the hell?

I just feel like he doesn’t give a shit. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to shop with them, didn’t tell me there may be a possibility that we’d be waking up at four am until he decided it last second and was like "Yeah, I was hoping they’d want to do some shopping.". Before he had implied to me that he didn’t like the idea of waking up early to do black Friday shopping. He made me think he thought it was stupid.

But at night when we were alone, he tickled me, joked with me, was just..really sweet. And I just don’t get it. I want a man who will walk with me, not leave me behind. Who will understand that I’m tired, and sore and four hours of shopping is enough. He sees his family more than me.

On top of that, his family was joking with me that I should break up with him and they’d find me a good guy. What? They did it a few times. his aunt, Kelly, Reed, and maybe a couple of others, but those I remember for sure. I got along with them, until the shopping, then I was tired and didn’t talk much. But at the cabins I played board games, I cut up food for the thanksgiving meal, I did dishes…I was doing more than most of the family members. It was me, Rocky, Kelly, and his aunts who did the work while the others waited. Which is fine, but…I wish he had..I don’t know. Showed me some love in front of them or something. Hug me or something. I went to him, yes, but he kind of just stood there stiffly. I felt like he was ashamed of me or something. Maybe it is just that he doesn’t like pda, but I don’t see how coming to me for a hug is that big of a deal. I wasn’t asking for kisses in front of them or anything.

I’m sad. About that and school. That’ll be another entry.