I’m not happy today

I feel extremely vulnerable right now. I don’t know why. Suddenly I just feel crazy emotional. I still feel like Trey was the one. Which means I don’t feel like Rocky is the one. And I can’t be with Trey.

I feel like Rocky and I are already drifting apart. We’ve only been together since March 9th. I want to talk more than 5 minutes a day. I mean, that would be fine later I guess. But so soon? I have so much to learn about him. I guess my problem is that I felt so close to Trey that he became a part of me. We were Trey and Heather. Not separate. After the wreck, it felt like I lost part of me as stupid as that sounds. I don’t want to compare Rocky to him, but I can’t help it. I need more attention. But I’m not brave enough to ask outright. I can only ask when I get to see him next in a hopeful tone because I don’t want to be clingy. All of the happy, giddy, head over heels feelings are starting to fade. Now he’s just Rocky…and I don’t really know who Rocky is. 

Right now Rocky is just a guy that doesn’t like hardly any of my friends and who kills cats because his lawn is over run with wild cats. He’s the guy that doesn’t get it when I grab his arm and wrap it around me and he lets it fall back to where it was. He’s the guy that said if I got as big as my friends he might not stay.

I need sweetness. I want to feel loved. Telling me he loves me doesn’t make me feel it.

I’m not happy today.