Drama Llama
Rocky and I had our first fight. My friend Taylor got her car, phone and money stolen by her boyfriend, who is officially her ex of course. So I bought her a new phone in case she needed to call the cops or something, and because I like being able to ask her if she’s okay. Rocky said, "You need to stop lending money and buying stuff for your friends, I know they’re your friends but if they need stuff bad enough let them get a job, your using money from a loan that’s supposed to be to get you through school, not for your friends, you have to pay it back one day".
1)It’s a parent loan. My mom has it, and is using that money to pay me to watch our grandma so she doesn’t have to go to a nursing home. 2) If I can buy him food, I can buy my friend a phone after she got her shit jacked by the man she loved.
Anyway, I tried talking to him about it, explained she didn’t ask me to do it and my mom didn’t care that I bought the phone, and if she didn’t care, why did he? After I asked "What if I needed help?" he said he’d help me or whatever, but wouldn’t respond to me for an hour where I sent him three texts. So I simply posted on facebook "Don’t make me feel bad for helping a friend". And as soon as I did he texted me about it. He called me childish, said he expected it of maybe Taylor or Miranda, but not me and said I should have talked to him about it. I deleted it, and said that I had been trying to talk about it. Hence the texts that he ignored until he saw my post. Which no one even saw, and if they did no one would know what I was referring to.
After all that, Rocky finally said, "If you’re going to be mean to me I’ll talk to you later. Today has been horrible and it’s gotten to the point where blowing my brains out doesn’t sound like such a bad idea."
Maybe I was being childish. I don’t know. I post stuff on facebook a lot of the time when I’m annoyed…but most people do. But it felt controlling, and it felt like overkill when he said that thing about blowing out his brains. I mean, really? It wasn’t even that bad of a fight. Yeah it hurt my feelings that he called me childish, and it felt like he was treating me like a child when he acted like I couldn’t spend my money the way I wanted. But I wasn’t going to talk about suicide!
He’s never acted like this before, but we’ve only been together for two months. And I don’t know if maybe it’s me. It could be. Maybe I was just being overly sensitive and paranoid.
And tomorrow I’m meeting his family again for mother’s day and I have to be something I’m not. I have to take out my lip ring, wear a certain type of clothes, not smoke in those clothes so no one will suspect something… I’m 22, I’m not 15, I shouldn’t have to do this. I shouldn’t have to pretend for anyone. Even if they like me, they won’t really like me. They’ll like the persona I put up for them.