Hormonal

Wednesday I had gone to planned parenthood to get vaginal ultrasound to make sure the pregnancy was gone. They said that clots were all that was left. Yesterday I went to a health department to get the paragard IUD (I think that’s what it’s called. My mom told me about it.) and told them what all had happened and that I had started my period about two weeks ago. They wanted to do a pregnancy test, even though I said I had an ultrasound done. The pregnancy test says I’m still pregnant, and they said that at this point my hormones should have been back to normal. They told me I needed to go to the emergency room and make sure there wasn’t anything left, like it didn’t finish or whatever…I didn’t see the point in that when I could do the exact same thing at Planned Parenthood for free. If there’s anything left, they said they’d finish it for free since I already paid. But I’m still without birth control. And apparently still hormonal.

I told Mike not to worry about paying me back because I just didn’t care anymore, that I’d like the money, but I’m not worrying about it anymore. Besides…I know him. He’s never paid me back for anything, ever. He owed me $300 before this, why would I expect another large sum of money?

I keep having to remind myself of all the women he’s slept with and lied about. I find myself wanting to text him. He was the one I talked to. Now all I can think about is being made to leave through the window…and all the women he’s been screwing, just this past month. I think what hurt the most was him sleeping with that girl right after telling me to get an abortion. His life was sooooo ruined. But not enough to slow down his sex drive.

I’m so mad at him. I’m mad that he’s not trying to talk to me when he said he wanted me in his life. I never told him I was done with him, I was just telling myself I needed to be..because I do. And him not trying proves that. I hate that he’s proving me right over and over again, and yet I still miss him. Fuck that asshole.