lucerne:

is the sound of
the sky breaking
at 3am

the ten nuns in the convent
on the hill
               before the cross
crying "holy, holy"
               (we wait, heavy-fisted
                missiles armed – to run)

the heavy bars
of lowengraben
keeping the grey wolves
at bay

(we hear them on the other side
licking their jaws & yowling)

—

i am back. and married. and a seasoned traveller. and i am tired. and unsure. not about him, but about me; my life. where i am heading. i am fearful that i will be stuck managing a blockbuster for the rest of my life. i am fearful that my writing is not good enough. that i am fooling myself into believing that i am good at something. i am fearful that before i get a chance to do anything i will be pregnant and looking after children. and after that it will be too hard.

i am scared that i will never be what i wanted to be. i am no longer myself, in some aspects. and sometimes i miss the me i used to be. and other times i love the me that he has made me. but i am no longer the girl he fell in love with. and sometimes i wonder if he notices.

i will post pictures of the wedding soon. i promise.

it’s good to be back. i have missed here, and you. xo;

Spring in jeans

Congrats!!

MDLN

July 29, 2007

you will be gorgeous and amazing forever, even if you do succumb to the pangs of motherhood and comfortableness. i think we are all always the same girl, we just become more ourselves; not less.

eucatastrophe.

it’s good to have you back. =)i am excited for pictures!i’m sure you’ll be fine. i can’t see you being anything else.<3

lennon.

oh congratulations, lovely. i’ve said it a million times but i’ll say it again.it is natural to be unsure of your life, especially when you start making permanent decisions.don’t worry, it will just stress you out and bear you down. just be you, dear.love

HolyDirtyMoon

bless..

underwater, & above.

Congrats once again, and welcome back sweetie! I can’t tell you how often I fear for the future, all the time thinking about how I may not be good enough to actually make it professionally. At the same time, if I worry too much, I’ll cut my chances of success to nil- stressing myself into oblivion. And you are a brilliant writer. (I eagerly await the photos!) <3 jo.