bulls & china plates, hands & my fate

i have lost the places that inner most thoughts used to reside.

i have realised that over time, nothing remains sacred. there is always some force able to rid everything of its secret beauty.

i have realised that i do not have those people around me anymore. those people that i can call randomly and invite over for coffee. i believe they are called friends. i have not had them since high school.

i watched the movie ‘osmosis jones’ for the first time the other day. a movie about white blood cells and germs with voices that live in the ‘city of frank’ aka bill murray. it made me think of all the little white blood cell police roaming my body, the many germs they would have to deal with. i was terribly ill with the flu for the past week, and could not move from bed.

i am planning on writing my city of kim residents an apology letter for this.

i need to get my life back on track. he spoke of not knowing who he is, of being bored with the things he does, where he lives, where he works. and i realised that i feel the same way. i am bored with this. i am bored with the university-work-sleep-eat-university-work routine. i need to do something else. i need to act, to write, to get out there and meet people… i need to come back here and sort myself out. i need to start writing letters again. i need to stop thinking about myself and begin thinking of others. that is why i have not been here. i have been selfish.

my new obsession is collecting wigs off ebay, they make my head spin. i can feel new every day. it is nice.

i will begin filling myself slowly from the bottom up again, and it begins here. definately.

xo;