night time musing

I am on call this weekend THANK GOD I haven’t gotten called in and it is late in the day so I am not expecting to get called in   I hate being on call it makes your entire weekend off.  You don’t have to stay home they have your cell number and your beeper number but you don’t really feel like you can leave to go do something So i am have been staying home and cleaning and MAN I HATE TO CLEAN!!!! but it needs done.  My bedroom is discusting and I need to get it cleaned up before I leave.

I went to World Market yesterday as my one trip out of the house MAN I LOVE THAT STORE!

I bought a lot of stuff and got all my christmas shopping done exepct for this gift certificate i need to get for my secret santa at work.

I bought this white zinmfendel called Electirc Reindeer!  it was very good i opened the bottle last night with my mom.  it was a "corked" wine but it was werid because it wasn’t cork it was….almost a plastic!!!  have you seen these yet?  I don’t get it.  I know this was cheap wine but usually cheap wine has a screw top is plastic cork  the lowest of the low? and this is the first i have found it?   It was good though!!  and strong!!  I got another bottle i am taking to the christmas party for the hostess so i hope it isn’t super super cheap but i thought it was quite good!

Alan called me last night and we talked for a little while….things are werid for me when i am just sitting thinking about him…but when we talk it seems like we never stoped talking.  His friend Ian was at his flat yesterday so i called to Ian for a few minutes too.  It feels very werid to me and as much as i want to beleive everything he is telling me i am not letting myself believe i am not letting him think that i am coming over there for u s to get back together i am keeping my distance to the point where he isn’t really sure what my feelings are right now but i have to see him and we have to have a long talk face to face and he has some questions he needs to answer before I am going to be considering being intimate with him in anyway and i think he is starting to understand that. 

I laid in bed last night thinking about everything and I just I don’t want to open this can of worms but i feel like I have to know if he left me for someone else or for another reason.  and i have to know if he dated anyone that i met while i was there that was introduced as a friend or if he dated one of the two women he worked with  in that picture he showed me in front of stephaine one of his ‘friends’  because he kept me from meeting them and he would leave the room to talk to them on the phone he talked to everyone else in front of me.  I can’t ask though and i know in my heart the answer is going to hurt me.  but i don’t think i can let him in without knowing

well i am gonna go and finish cleaning the computer room and then start in my bedroom wish me luck!!!