The times they are a-changing

I can’t believe they don’t delete these things! I wonder if opendiary will just continue to last forever, and when I’m eighty-four and lying in a puddle of my own urine, I’ll be able to look back upon my musings at the age of fifteen.

I was having a late night, wide-awake reminiscing session the other night, and that is what triggered me to stumble across this diary. A record of all the stupid, inappropriate, childish things I’ve done in my time. It occurs to me that I should be ashamed of my behaviour, regretful, but looking back upon my actions I only see them fondly. The actions of a teenager, a student, somebody experimenting and finding their way. Making good and bad choices, doing inappropriate things with inappropriate people. It makes me think… would I be doing what I am now, if I hadn’t had these experiences? Would I be in a happy relationship, in a good job that I love, if I hadn’t broken a few eggs along the way?

I truly do love my job at the moment. I’m still nursing, more than three years down the line, and I find it more fulfilling than I could have imagined. I no longer have desires to study medicine, in fact, the thought now holds no attraction. I truly do love my boyfriend, and I feel really lucky to have found someone who takes such good care of me.

I used to write this diary partly for me, and partly for those lovely people who left me messages. But I have facebook, email, texting for communication now, so I shall be selfish. I will write only for myself. So apologies if you have stumbled across this and think it’s incredibly boring – it’s no longer written for an audience. It’s written for myself, at eighty-four, in a puddle of my own urine.

PS. Somebody call a nurse!!