Women of immoral turpitude are prohibited…

..from entering the hostel.

Wise words. I’m surprised they let me in.

I’m back from travelling, back to Kampala, back to home. I really knew that I was totally used to Uganda when I got that excited, returning home feeling you get after your holidays. As I started recognising all the little towns between Jinja and Kampala: Bweyogerere, Chiwanga, Lugogo… it was like, wow. I know this place. I live here. It was slightly marred by being lept upon by four hundred taxi drivers calling us ‘tourist’ and offering to drive us to the nearest youth hostel as soon as we stepped off the bus, but nevertheless.. I live here. It’s my home!

Having said that, I haven’t actually been home since I came back, I’ve just been staying in Kampala. One night at Tom and Paddy’s and one at Beth and Danielles. Everyone went out on Friday night apart from me, who stayed in bed, because I am an old woman who needs her sleep, and I was exhaused.

A few choice memories from what has to be one of the best holidays I have ever been on.

–  In hindsight, perhaps the night before catching a 6:30am bus was not the best time to get absolutely slaughtered and stay up all night dancing. The funny bit is that when we woke up at 6:25, in our tent, with our bags unpacked, a 15 minute drive from the bus park, we still rushed in the misguided hope that the bus would wait for us. It didn’t. But it was still one of the funniest nights, and mornings, of my life.

–  Paddy and his ‘mommas’, on the beach,  going for massages every ten minutes. “There’s something not quite right about getting a kinky full-body massage from your momma”. I agree, heartily.

–  The card game in which we thought it would be a good idea to beat each other up, otherwise known as the ‘Kenya Sadism’ game. I still bear the bruises.

–  The man who stuck his tongue in my ear without ANY warning whatsoever. I wasn’t overly amused at the time as we were in a deserted field and very stoned, but it’s funny now.

The one thing which remains UNFUNNY was the squid… Paddy went off to find a phone and returned with a squid (Paddy is the kind of person who floats through his life and returns with magic beans) which he chased me with for a while. Fine. I can deal with this, despite my phobia of everything which lives in the sea. But when Danielle threw it at me and it landed on my neck.. well.. just have to say I was not a happy girl. One little bit. Nick still to this day finds it hysterical though. I can almost.. see the funny side. Almost.

Right, time running out (but I had more than 2 minutes 1 second this time)

will get back to regular emails now I’m home.

loads of love,

Em (who has eaten a crocodile)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx