First dates

So I’m pretty good at first dates. I’ve had a few recently, and they generally all want to see me again. The problem is after the first date (and sometimes just getting that first date 😛).

It’s so rare that I’m actually excited about anyone I meet. Once in a while, I’ll be curious enough to meet up a second time, and that’s usually when it all goes wrong. I’m bored! It’s awful, I want to have real conversations with people, and instead we talk about work, or the weather, aargh!!

A few of my friends have accused me of being too picky, and ok, maybe I am a little, but there’s more to it than that. I want to be stimulated by the person I’m spending time with, I’d like them to challenge me, interest me. I increasingly am realising that I’m attracted not just by people with intelligence (my being sapio is nothing new), but all the more if they are passionate  about something I know nothing or very little about. I guess I like feeling like I have something to learn from the person, and it’s also good if they are able to keep up with me about my passion and interests. Is that really so much to ask?

When I look back at the last few dates I’ve had, there’s only 2 people I was actually really excited to meet before we actually met; Michael and John-Paul. With both of them, I had pretty extended online conversations about completely silly subjects, basically a bunch of witty banter being bounced back and forth. Once we did actually meet, the conversation flowed, and I had a really nice time. With Michael there was a complete lack of physical attraction on my part, but I tried to see if I could get over that. We met up a second time, and I got awkward. It may have been a little too soon after my break-up. We lost touch after that.

With John-Paul it was a bit of a different scenario. I pretty much knew already that as fascinating as I found our conversations, I was pretty sure that we were not a great match on any other level. But once again, I had a really great time. We ended up carving a pumpkin together 😁. I had sort of convinced myself before we met up that I was going to kiss him, just because. I basically never do that on a first date, (I’m a bit wonky when it comes to physical attraction, so even kissing is usually off the table until I feel comfortable with the other person, which usually takes more than one meeting) but for some reason, I wanted to see… So we ended up at his place, ostensibly to carve the pumpkin (and we did), but he ended up pulling out a joint (god, I hadn’t had pot in YEARS!) and under the floaty effects, I found myself cuddling into him and next thing we’re making out like teenagers. He eventually ended up asking me where I saw the night going and we had a pretty in depth conversation. He’s not looking for a relationship, I’m not ready for a relationship, but this is a lot of fun… We didn’t end up sleeping together that night, but only because I kind of felt like I was in no condition to be making rational choices. I’ve never been one to treat sex casually, and as I actually liked him, I didn’t think it was a good idea. So I sent myself home in a taxi at about 2 am! – The follow-up to this is a whole other story

Suffice it to say that I don’t think that it’s unreasonable to expect some sort of ‘click’ during these interactions. I think I need to have gotten to know the person a little by chat before we meet up (if it’s online), as I usually have some sort of idea whether or not I actually have potential attraction with this person. It also gives us something to talk about. It’s a bigger investment timewise I guess, which may be why some people aren’t really open to it.

When I look back at the two online relationships I had that actually panned out to some degree, both of them were with someone I got a chance to have quite a few interactions with online prior to meeting up. The conversation flowed well the whole time, time flew by, we parted with a kiss on the cheek and things didn’t move any further than that until date 2 or 3. It’s only with people I’ve known a while that I was able to kiss them on the first date. I guess I just have to embrace that this is how I function.