Not all that glitters is gold.

Dam…its been a long ass time since I have been on…stop getting on a computer and running on a phone.. well..you kinda realize how much of a pain it is trying to type out entries on the phone..maybe an app would help with that (hint flipping hint opendiary!!)

So..I dont remember how long its been since I have been on..I really dont..so I’ll just run down some of it..

So, I am a Law Enforcement Officer..well I guess you can call it that..but in reality..I just wear the uniform..You see where I am at you have 2 classes of LEO’s:

Class 1: Pushing black and whites, like actually doing cop work..stuff that matters…what I want to be

Class 2: Detention, basically when you get cuffed and get taken to jail you see me. You see the cells and the holding facility..Basically..I babysit grown ass adults who cant follow even the simplest rules. Who think they are bad asses because they think what they say matters or cause they “rebel” by doing…or not doing the stupidest shit.

So what I meant is I guess you can call me a LEO is because well.. I wear the uniform of a class 1.. I carry credentials and have the honor of claiming I am part of the blue line but I have none of the power to help or ability of a class one… I am a second class Deputy..Even the Class 1 guys make fun of us, they dont respect us even though you wouldnt catch a single class 1 deputy in a pod with 192 inmates by yourself and some times with another deputy.. and they would love to get a hold of you.. and all I have is a radio..that some times works…a set of cuffs (or in my case 2) and some pepper spray.. my gun? sits in a locker in the front of the facility in a locker.

I dont get to go out and push a black and white. I dont get to help others unless I do it on my own…all the people I have helped on the side of the road.. the shop lifter I stopped in walmart.. the disabled guy I sat on the side of the road..in uniform with no weapon..just a pair of cuffs for 3 hours while attempting to help his tow truck company find him. THAT is helping people.. The apartment fire I assisted with, I stood out with the fire department for 4 hours pulling hoses changing SCBA Air tanks and I never asked for a damned thing in return.

All I want to do is make a difference…

this sounds so childish i know but I get made fun of by coworkers because I am prepared.. I carry a Bullet resistant vest in my trunk..along with a 1st aid kit..i carry handcuffs off duty..along with 2 back up mags..a knife in my boot and one in my pocket well guess what.. when you are on the side of the fucking road bleeding out and I am the one who pulls up with a full aid kit or when that active shooter appears and I take him on because I am prepared to like a LEO should guess who’s gonna be dumb struck and saying holy shit good thing he has that stuff..what else makes it worse is no one seems to fucking notice all the good i’ve done…and i am doing and all the more I want to do..but all I seem to get is jokes made behind my back from co workers and supervisors..from the blue family I am supposed to trust with my life..that I am supposed to think of like my blood family. Yea like that’ll ever happen if it keeps up like this..

It may sound like I am bitching but in reality ..I am just purely frustrated.. 18 months and counting and I have had only different dates for interviews and thats all.. it sucks.. its hard coming from where I have come from.. overcome all that I have..I know what comes with this job and I know I am ready to even be given a chance.. but I cant even get that…