Let’s Talk?

SOOOOOOO…
It has been a little while my lovelys!
UPDATE TIME:
*Driving instructor says im nearly ready for my GODFORSAKEN TEST! bring on the anxiety pangs! wooop! hahaaa!
*Went For My interveiw at college for health and social care apprenticeship!
*Alan is as beautiful and confusing as always 😉
*Retracted My notice from work

aaaahhhhh!!!
Its been crazy!
Well my interveiw went well. kinda.
She said i wont be able to do the apprenticeship (Working in a placement 4 days a week, college one day come out with an NVQ – National vocational Qualification)
For two reasons, she doesnt think it will run because of the lack of numbers, and she doesnt think it will be challenging enough for me.
This was the precise reason i wanted it. it would be easy 😉
so.
She suggested i enrolled on the Health & Social Care A level, and A level Human Biology.
This all sounds crazy, I dont have enough faith in myself that i can do it. and do well.
Im totally up for it. It will be challenging for me. But if i fail. I wont take that well.
This is my THIRD ATTEMPT at total theory A LEVEL!!!!
So much writing to be done. study, research. it’s fate.
I meant to take this path of education. Hopefully it will work this time? 
🙂
ONLY now i HAVE to stay in thee supermarket :/ 🙁
i dont mind it. i mean ill be 18 soon so the pay will increase, only i did want to get into a health and social care setting as soon as possible!
pahhh.

Well it’s something to look forward to, its what ive needed! 😀
Im happy.
Also through work im doing a course to improve my Maths Grade to Help me get onto the Human Biology course!
I hope i get that quite fast! 🙂
AND….
Mr Alan head…
well, where do i start?
Hes requesting to kiss me in public. I.E. work!
OMG I DONT THINK I COULD HANDLE THE QUESTIONS OF COLLEGUES! arrgh!
but, *breathe* i reckon i could 😀 😀 
HAHA!!
Then turn Beetroot and just generally look like a penis… Yes thats how i roll 😉

Met him last night, he drank a fair bit.
I know its got nothing to do with me, but i can see where it will go if we did get into a relationship (where it WILL have something to do with me) But i wont help but ask myself WHY he feels the need to drink, even in my presence? Just a thought that went through my mind whilst with him,
We had fun chilled out 🙂 was nice.
Things escalated after the drink…
I know quite often i talk about sex stuff on here, i hope none of you mind. but it kinda does happen to be a large chunk of my life for some reason! haha!
I didnt drink anything at all., i think the alcohol off his breath during our kisses was enough to intoxicate me!
But, as i was saying, things escalated, and he started mentioning like, being tied up and stuff….
i mean, what the hell? 
HOW ODD. in like my last entry i said how TOM wanted to tie me up and stuff and i said how i know some people like to do that sexually.
I NEVER IMAGINED that my babe would enjoy THAT!
not that its a problem at all. only. i didnt expect it. i was shocked. and maybe became a little sort of off. but he didnt notice… obviously.
so yes, i agreed to this, sudden shocking thing.
and thought maybe he wanted me to doo something. so. i did. i wont go into detail. save your imaginations 🙂
then it was rock paper sissors to see who goes outside, naked, and has to stay out there. tied up.

He was the one that had to go out. THANK GOD!
but it reminded me of a story he told me about his ex or something. when they both went outside, naked and she was just wearing boots or something.
It just put me off. i wouldnt of minded if he hadnt done it with another girl before.
But i didnt want to be in that position of comparison.
A position for (even if he doesnt) him to judge of who looked/acted/was better…
I wanted something for him to experience that was new to him and me.
So clearly that put me off a lot.
so i locked the door, left him out there. where he disappeared :S
Put my underwear on and went to the toilet.

He came back in… somehow :S
we went outside. and, well he kinda, done stuff to me outside. OUTSIDE!!!!
oh my gossshhhh!
How different!
But yes, it made me wonder why we were doing "this" yet didnt even have sex yet :/
So eventually he needed to go to bed for work the next day.
But he done another. "can i say something thats personal and retarded"
Me. ONCE AGAIN. in my head screaming
"NOOOOOO DONT YOU DARE! I DONT WANT YOU TO TELL MEEEEEEEEE"
"yeah, go for it"
"I really really reallly want to sleep with you, but im too retarded."
OK, your retarded, i gathered, IN WHAT WAY?! your willy? your head? you in general? me? WHAT?!
"Retarded? Alan you always do thiiisssss now im confused, you HAVE to elaborate"
"no, im not going to elaborate"
Then a song came on about shyness. and he exclaimed how that WAS EXACTLY "it"

So now i know hes shy….
all he had to say.
"im shy"
Your not shy enough to walk around naked and make me wake the neighbours up outside your back door?!?!?!
confusing huh?!
Im not mad, just a confused little girl. All i ask is for a simple life!
haha
Communication is KEY, i think that is what we will struggle with.

In other news, Ive stopped drinking coke. Im now on Fizzy FLAVOURED water,
still good for me though right! 🙂
the weather is FANTASTIC!
and im still as white as a sheet of paper glaring at me from the printer.
even a dash of red id be happy with. then at least i would be PINK!
not an "ill" looking person.
"oh your pale, you must be ill?"
"no, i must NOT BE ABLE TO TAN LIKE YOU!!!"

I think its going to rain tomorrow.
which i will be more than happy with considering i will be in work.
only yesterday, i thoroughly enjoyed rifling through New Look buying fabulous summer clothes…
so the sun BETTER COME BACK!! 😀 
haha!!!

Im also in the process of planning my 18th Birthday Bash.
which is turning out to be quite expensive, the Door Man is £10 an hour? who does he think he is?!
Bet im harder than him 😉
THAT is saying summin 😛
Ive invited Alan to the "family meal" earlier in the day. just to keep him on his toes. shit him up a bit 😉
hes scared, he said hes going to turn up mashed. which will be funny, everyone will be!
argh!
The rent for the place is £100 with £50 non repayable deposit.
The band i have no idea how much that will cost.
the DJ im still waiting for a quote.
I also need to reconsider the room im going to use, <br

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the one ive chosen is small, making it look like theres more people there 😉
HOWEVER, it has NO lights. and the ones in the other LARGER room cant be moved, they are FABULOUS!
i may change the room? 
Meaning more invites.
Meaning more money for "first drink free!"

stress times.
why cant someone give me a surprise party? 
damn it!

I had a maaahoooosive headache earlier,
I refused to take tablets. because they mask the real problem, which is usually dehydration, my urine is practically water, ive been drinking water all day, so its clearly not dehydration.
So i took some tabbbbs.
urgh.
Its subsiding slowly but very surely.
maybe a good nights kip will do it some good 🙂 🙂
On that note,
Ill leave you all with a smile!
and some stuff to think about to your own. if any 😛 
hahaaaa
Notes always appreciated 🙂 🙂
Take Care! God Bless! 🙂  x x