Mom Knew

Hospice just called to see how I was doing…the nurse asked me how things were going with bills and if I would be able to stay…she said that was what mom was worried about…I said I didn’t think mom knew she was going to die…the nurse said she knew and was worried about me making it on my own financially…Mom never said anything to me..the nurse said mom was just trying to protect me…though no one thought she would die so soon…she said its common for the dying to talk to those who have passed…they usually die soon after…which is how it went with mom.

Things are still stressful…I have to deal with the credit card people soon…which I hate because they were there for us..we were able to get groceries or the word find books mom liked,etc…but being I only get just over five hundred a month and the credit card bills alone are over five hundred a month..there is just no way I can do it…I know a lot of rich people…but they aren’t rich from doing anything all that hard..teachers have a harder job..hell when I worked in a doctors office I had a harder job. I just don’t understand why God makes some peoples lives so much easier than others…twenty thousand would make my life easier…and folks I know spend that in a weekend shopping spree…I guess God just has a warped sense of humor.

I don’t qualify for a loan…so I guess I am just screwed. So I guess mom had good reason to worry about what would happen to me after her death..she knew we lived off of my credit cards most…and it is a financial mess…adjusting to mom’s loss is more than enough to deal with…this just isn’t fair.

I learned how to use my answering machine…I think I will let it answer the phone for awhile…there aren’t many people I know that can relate to any of this…but those who do..if you read this…I’ll pick up for you…everyone else just needs to understand.

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My goal in life…is to be the kind of person my pets think I am.