Break Things

Can I have a bad day? Please? Can everyone just get off my back and let me have ONE bad day. It is not necessary for me to be happy, smiling, and in a bubbly mood all the time. I’m sorry if my mood affects you that much. I really am. But I feel bad today, and I’m not gonna try to avoid it or push it away. I feel bad – it is what it is. Can’t you just let it be? I wasn’t mean or rude to anyone, I just didn’t feel like laughing and smiling and being chipper. Sometimes I’m tired of being the responsible one, the reliable one, the consistent one, the one you can always count on to be in a good mood, the one who always has her stuff together. Dear Lord, if one more person tells me how together I am I think I’ll scream! I know it’s a compliment, I know it’s meant nicely, but you don’t understand the pressure that builds and builds knowing that this is what everyone thinks of you. Everyone sees you as this leader, this person who takes care of all her business – and this is all fine and good but there are days, there will always be days, when this is not the case. And on those days can’t you just drop your expectations for ONE DAY? I’ll go back to normal I promise! I’ll have it all together again, I will. And I’ll still be the person you hold to this standard. And I’ll meet your expectations like I have before, because I am responsible, and reliable.

BUT!

Can I have a day off? Because I’m not as together as I appear. And if I don’t get to have a bad day now and again without people getting on to me, you’ll watch me fall apart and see just how un-together I can become.