The state of things

Went to see the Bill Hicks Story on Monday. Very sponaneously. Went with Mark. It was a great movie. I miss Bill Hicks.. 🙁 I am sure he doesn’t give a shit about any of us though… he’s riding the waves on the lake of fire after all 😉

After the movie Mark and I went to Eddie Rockets and we had a nice chat. It’s great to be able to be mates and have no awkwardness between us. Well at least I don’t feel awkward. I know he still fancies me (in a sexual way only… not a relationship way) but I really don’t fancy him anymore and it’s he who broke up so… whatever LOL

We also talked a bit about the resentment I still feel towards Ferdinand. And I have to say since that chat I DO feel better. He said something I was already thinking but HEARING it from another person kinda helped. I basically told him that I am not resenting what happened in the relationship between Ferd and I but what is going on NOW… like how he said we’d meet after we’re back from holidays and he never DID contact me in ANY way… like I went from hero to zero in the blink of an eye. And that I resent him for treating me like that. So Mark said: "Why though?" Me: "Well cos he LIED to me. I have a hard time dealing with lies." Mark: "Well but why do you think he DID lie?" Me: "Well because it was the easy way out for him. Cos it was easier to lie and he didn’t want the "hassle" of hurting me or something like that. But this way he hurt me much more of course." Mark: "Well but what do you think about that?" Me: "Well dunno… he just couldn’t handle the situation. He behaved like a 12 year old who’s in love for the first time." Mark: "That’s it… but don’t you think that’s something to be pitied (is that’s how that’s spelled?) rather than resented?" Me: "Yeah I thought about that too… and I guess it is."

Funnily enough, even though I thought that to myself already, it DID help get my a little bit further in getting over the resentment I feel for him.

Good.

Beside that… I have a bit of a … not sore… but kinda raw throat. However, I am trying to think positive and that it will pass shortly. If I lose my voice I can’t train again… happened before… and essentially that’s fine too lol… wouldn’t mind to stay at home in bed for the rest of the week 😉 Anway, I drank lots of tea with LOTS of honey yesterday. That should help.

At the weekend there is the street performer world championship in Dublin. If I feel well (which i will!!! *positivity*) I will go down town and check it out. Looks really cool online.

No other news I think… I am reading, or rather listening to the audio, The Secret at the moment… interesting. I think it’s a  bit toooooo extreme but I do certainly believe that we control our own thoughts and if we change the way we think and look at things that those things and thoughts can be changed to our advantage… can we create wealth?! I think that also depends how you look at what wealth is to YOU as an individual… so I am staying open minded and just hear the message… not sure if it’s something I will listen to further 🙂 I am also reading Wayne Dyers Novel Gifts from Eykis. It’s very short. 142 pages or so. It’s more a parabel than a novel and it’s kinda cute. Also still reading Creating health by Chopra by the by and Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence is my bath room literature (no you don’t want to know…)

that’s all… 🙂