I’m back ***EDIT***

Well I am back. Actually I came back from Germany on Tuesday night already but I just spend all of Wednesday chilling out and I also started to clean my place… finally. Now all that’s left to do are the bathroom and kitchen.

Germany was…. ok…. my cousin had this weird "breakfast party"…. she turned 30 and the "party" started at 10am… yes… AM… that wasn’t a typo… she’s odd… she’s a robot… a real square… she works for the city hall and just does everything by the book. So for her 30th birthday she invited people for a sort of "brunch-breakfast" thing to her parents garden…. so people brought their kids along and all… it was sunny and stuff but still…. a breakfast party????? For a 30th birthday????? I think I can be happy if I actually MAKE IT to the birthday of my 30th ;-P

Oh well… she’s a robot… what shall I say. I actually just ended up playing with the children… was more fun than to listen to the adults talk about nappies and civil servants….

So in the evening we had a BBQ. And if I say we I mean my cousin’s parents and my parents and the other auntie and uncle and two friends of my auntie and uncle (cousin’s parents) cos they had their 40th anniversary. So that was nice. I like BBQs… and I ate so much. I actually realised I put on a lot of weight… when I came back from Germany I bought a weight scale to get this under controll and keep an eye on my weight. I mean I was 60kgs yesterday…. I never weight that much… the last few years I was always on 56kgs… and I thought THAT was a bit much. Not that I am fat or anything!!! But I know if I keep doing what I do I’ll get fat and I don’t want to be unhealthy… and it doesn’t suit me. Some people still look great with a bit of weight on them but my waist is slowly disappearing and I hate it!!! So I will slowly start working out again and eating better to go down to about 55 or 56kgs again. I don’t want to be a model but I don’t want to be floppy. I want to have a refined waste and look good and healthy and above all feel good and healthy.

But what is odd is that my weight fluctuates… a lot… like I said I was 60kgs yesterday and this morning I was like 57.8 or something… how is that possible???? That’s 2 kgs in one night…. that’s impossible… or is it? And I didn’t go to the bathroom or wore different clothes or anything… odd right? But the weight scale at my parents place was the same so… odd… Well once I am down to a steady 57kg it will be a start.

Remy came over last night and stayed the night…. oh I am so crazy about this guy… my feelings are getting stronger every time I see him. But it’s slow and subtle and not a bit rush of emotions. It feels… sorta safe… if that makes sense. It’s like a little glow rather than a big fire.. but it gets brighter and brighter… and I think it has to be nurtured to finally grow into a flame. But it felt so good to be with him again. We fell asleep holding hands…

No crazy so far… hope it’ll stay that way once I start working again next week.

There’s tiger cubs in Dublin Zoo so we probably go there on saturday. After we want to go watch GI Force (yay! I love guinea pigs!!!) and I want to buy a Wii from the fat bonus I got from work 🙂 The Wii should help me get back in shape as well (and Remy wants to get in shape as well so it’ll be a treat for both of us) so that’s good.

Ooooh and I got my tattoo on Thursday. It’s cool. I’ll take a picture and post it soon but at the moment it’s still a bit swollen and reddened and shedding so I’ll take a picture once it’s fully healed and I’ll post it…

What else is new… oh I got my hair cut all tidy. The Germans are so much better at cutting hair than the Irish… so it’s all tidy now. Sorta chin length. Not spectacular. It’s not really a hair cut but it’s just so I can let my hair grow a bit easier now. I want to have long tresses again. 🙂 Oh and I bought four pairs of shoes in Germany for under 80 Euro!!! That’s so great! Gotta love Germany for shoes 🙂 Got a pair of brown runners (impossible to get here!) and three pairs of pumps. One plain brown, one two colours brown (my favourites) and one black and grey… niiiice… 🙂

My sister in law is having a baby girl. They have just been told the sex 🙂

What else…. my brother is the coolest! Not the husband of the pregnant girl but my oldest brother! I found out so much about him while I was over in Germany that I never knew about him… he’s a conspiracy theorist… like me 🙂 But he’s a big extreme… whereas I have a lot of theories but I never say that one of them is the ultimate truth… cos if it was it wouldn’t be conspiracy… it would be fact… and I know a couple of facts too but that’s a different matter. 🙂 But it’s cool to have someone to ponder those thoughts with. Even if it’s not gonna change anything… but it’s always good to know one is not alone with having those thoughts.

Ok… I think that’s all for now…. hugs and kisses your ways. xxx

Oh hey hang on there a minute… EDIT!!! I totally forgot to tell you that Dermot picked me up from the airport. And… well… he wants me back. You see I didn’t want to ask him to pick me up cos I sorta had a feeling that he has still feelings for me and I don’t want to use him that way. But he offered and insisted so… ok… he picked me up. We sat in my kitchen then until.. dunno… 12 or 1 at night talking. And eventually I mentioned Romuald…. I mean… I always comment about "mi rey" in my notes and how much I miss "someone" and stuff… I thought he MUST have understood that there is someone else in my life now… well… after I mentioned Romuald Dermot got kinda sad… I noticed. So I didn’t talk much about him. Anyway… when he was about to leave he closed the door again, turned around to me and said: Listen….. I don’t want to put you in a situation or anything… I don’t know what happened between the last time you were seeing someone and now you are seeing someone… but… I just want to say… I am still thinking about you a lot….. (silence)… that’s all." I didn’t say anything and hugged him and then he left…

Wasn’t that so brave of him? I think it was brave…. but… like… I mean I DO love him… but not THAT way… we were good together but… it wasn’t enough…. 🙁 It’s really sad but… like… he had a chance… and now I moved on…. it’s sad but that’s just the way life is I guess…. I will write him a mail in a few days or so…. it’s just…. really sad…