on with the dreams

I dreamed this morning about Andrew – more than once. in the first dream, I was at a basketball game or something – some kind of event where we all sat on bleachers. I was there with andrew, ryan, and some other girlfriend – miranda, possibly. I never took my coat off – and I realized later that it was a way to distance myself. you can’t get too close to me if I’m wearing a puffy blue coat! I was leaning back, with my arm braced on the bleacher seat behind andrew. I wasn’t actually touching him. at one point, while in conversation with my friends, something was said that made me actually wrap my arm around andrew’s waist with a laugh, not really thinking as I did it. I realized instantly that I had, that it had felt so natural and right as I did it, but now I was sure the move would make one of us uncomfortable. I wished it wouldn’t. I wished we could be a real couple again. within a minute or two, andrew announced that he was getting up to use the restroom. obviously I had made him uncomfortable by putting my arm around him. ryan also served to help us stay distanced; at one point I think he was sitting in between us. I was glad to have my good friend with me, but sad that he served as another means of distancing.

in another dream, it was late at night, and I was about to go to bed. I checked my AIM list before going, and saw that andrew had an away message up. lately, he hasn’t been using away messages at all. so I was excited to see one. however, it appeared to be a message to someone – it was a slightly crypted message about being in love with this person. I knew without doubt that the message wasn’t for me. at that moment, kellen appeared online. he’s an old online/hanoverian friend. he had his own relationship complaint, and didn’t hear mine, though I tried to tell him twice. in the end, he was sitting in my room with me, and I still couldn’t get him to hear me. so I sighed and resigned that I would just be content to hear his problems.

one other dream I had – not related to andrew. it was at the old house, and we were preparing to move. we had trash set out for a special pick up. I woke up that morning, went to my window, and saw the trash guy outside. as I watched, he piled up my mom’s planting pots from the porch. I knew she didn’t want to get rid of those. I knew they were important to her (though no one else could understand why). I knew I should stop the man. but instead, I just watched. I debated whether I should pretend I hadn’t seen, or actually go down and try to stop him. the man looked up, saw me in the window, and I jumped back. I peeked back again a bit later, and he was carrying my special edition wizard of oz dolls out to the trash. well then there was no doubt – I ran downstairs to reason with him. the dolls were gone, but the pots hadn’t been destroyed yet. I managed to stop him, and the rest of the family joined me. I felt very proud of myself for standing up to him, all by myself. I couldn’t believe that my own dolls were gone; I felt guilty that it took my own dolls to get me to act; but I was proud that I had stopped him from destroying my mom’s prized possessions.