where your loyalty lies

back in july, before tickets were on sale to the general public, I bought tickets to two hanson concerts, both for october: one in st louis, one in louisville. since that week, I have been on the hanson website, and the fan club forums, almost daily.

I’m pretty loyal to this band.

when the st louis concert was cancelled, I went home instead. I’m so glad, because I got to spend a very precious day with my family. I feel pretty loyal to my family now. I love them so much. and it’s starting to dawn on me – there’s something about knowing that these family members will always be in my life, while my friends and mentors and coworkers likely won’t. there’s nothing holding friends together, not like there is for family. for family we have our histories, our traditions, the connections we have in common. I always see a certain part of the family on thanksgiving, and I LOVE that.

so now my loyalties are colliding. the hanson concert in louisville is friday, as is the funeral for my great uncle. what do I do?

I’ve been going back and forth all day. my mom said this morning that it was okay not to come to the funeral. I posted on the hanson forum, asking for advice. the general advice was to either find a compromise or just enjoy the concert.

the compromises aren’t working so well. if I could go to the showing on thursday, that would help, but I can’t. I have class and meetings on thursday. if I didn’t have the meetings, I would consider skipping class. I thought about going to the funeral on friday and rushing back for the concert, but with the two hour drive plus one hour time change, I’d be lucky to get back before the doors opened to the concert. no, I’d be lucky to get back before the opening band took the stage.

I asked my mom again if it’s okay to miss the funeral for a concert, and she was very reassuring. she said that I already helped by spending time there last weekend, and that everyone would be okay with me missing the funeral, and probably okay with the reason – but no one needs to know the reason. I don’t want to hide the fact that I’m missing the funeral for a concert.

it’s not so much the funeral that I’m worried about missing, but time with family. my grandparents will be staying at my house. family from all over the country will be in. on the funeral day, there will be a showing, then lunch, then the funeral. that’s a whole day to spend with family at such a critical time in many of their lives.

I know that the day and the time with family would make me very sad – I would probably be fighting tears the whole day – but the memories and the time are more worthwhile to me than the sadness. it’s important to me to be there during a sad time for the people I care about. it’s sad to me, too, to have my uncle die, but honestly I was never actually close to him. now that I think about it, I can’t really remember ever talking to him much. he’s always just kind of been there, on the edge of the scene, smoking a cigarette. he’s a lot like my grampa – he gets grumpy easily, he isn’t very chatty or social, and he doesn’t seem to like kids much. but I’ve spent a lot more time with my grampa, and I understand him a lot better. my grampa can get into playful and funny moods. I just can’t remember much about my uncle. when I think about my great aunt and uncle, it’s my aunt that I remember so much about. that could also have to do with my bias against men, as well, though.

so I’m going to the concert instead of his funeral. I know I’m going to LOVE the concert and everything about it. Hanson is coming to MY town – the place I LIVE! that’s a first. but am I going to regret not being at home with my family?