singled out

a scene from this morning sort of sums up how the single life is going for me in louisville:

I was standing and chatting in the entrance of an academic building on campus with a married couple, the first people I met in my class (and incidentally the closest that I would call to friends right now). an upperclassmen walked up, and I gathered that he somehow already knew the married company. I shook hands with him, and while we talked he seemed to regard me with interest. and I thought, here we go! possibly a third year, that’s not bad. he’s really cute, possibly a little preppy, possibly a little short, but I can deal – he’s in the program, he seems genuine, and he’s definitely cute!

a little while later, he mentioned his fiancee. okaaay. squashed again. so few men in the program, and here’s one less.

soon after, another first year walked up – a tall and handsome Australian. he talked about how he can’t wait for his wife to join him here in two weeks.

and the conversation turned to double dates – and it was definitely time for me to exit this circle.

that’s how things have been going at spalding. I meet a couple of guys – and find out they’re either married or engaged. I meet some girls that could be potentially great friends – and I find out they have boyfriends, live with guys, are engaged, or married. not that that makes a girl less of a friend potential, but it puts them in a different category.

I am all alone in this city. I would love to find a friend, a guy friend, or even try out the dating scene again. all of these people that I’m meeting already have significant others, so they don’t need a friend in the same way that I do right now.

I guess it’s silly to expect to meet someone so fast, especially given that I’m not actually sure if I’m ready to date again, but I’ve been building up to this for a long time. all of senior year, I told others and myself, “there’s not really a point in dating right now – I have no idea where I’ll be going to school in a year. but once I get there, I’m sure I’ll meet someone!” and all summer I’ve been saying, “well, no, I haven’t really met anyone in this city yet, but school hasn’t started yet! as soon as school starts, I’ll meet plenty of people.”

I should just relax and see how things go. but maybe the difference is that this is the first time in quite some time that I’ve actually met new guys and wondered about dating them. or maybe it’s just the first time that I’m actually meeting new guys!

I think I need to go to bed. the problem is, I took a nap this afternoon. I wish I didn’t do that, because it’s always hard to sleep at night after I take a nap, and the next morning I wake up feeling like I didn’t get enough sleep. I thought the answer was to use the nap alarm to take a short nap, but I tend to just turn it off and take a 2 hour nap anyway. soon I’ll be too busy for naps. that’ll solve the problem.