“I am nervous that you won’t be my lover”
Yup so…. I’m kind of putting off my homework day
…. I got up at 9 today with every intention of working on homework non-stop… it is now almost noon and I have yet to pick up a text book of any kind
. Instead I’ve been watching youtube videos, organizing my myspace pictures, or wasting my life away on facebook. I figured my final attempt at distraction would be this diary entry. I swear to myself, as soon as this is done I’m going to make my bed and just launch into homework
.
I finally got my classes scheduled
. Well I have my plan B schedule up and running anyway. I won’t know if I make it into the clinical portion until May 14th. That is all up to my GPA, and my advisor said if I keep my GPA the same from last semester I’m sure to get in… but I’m so worried it will drop a lil and I’ll be screwed
. My way to avoid this from happening was of course to keep up with work, by having things like today… for homework. And I couldn’t even keep that promise to myself
. I also want to try and take some summer classes to make my work load easier the next couple of years, but I’m not sure yet… cause I’m broke as fuck and I really need to work this summer…
Another thing about this summer! I can’t wait for CHICAGO
!!!!!!!!!!! Even if Jake doesn’t get to go… which knowing my luck he won’t
, I will still have the option of taking a friend, like Emily
or Nick. I just don’t want to go alone. How effing awkward would that be with Nick and Savi…. Not that they would ignore me or make me feel like a third wheel but that shit happens no matter how nice the couple is. Now for the downside of Chicago… I have to raise 150 dollars by the end of the month
, and as I stated before… I’m one broke ass mofo. I’m hoping my parents will be up to lending me some money. As much as I hate taking the money from them it’s a better plan than taking it from Nick, my ex. *AH
! This bird that went by just sounded like a dying cat…. That was a little creepy….* I feel bad enough taking the ride from Nick, and hell I’m trying to find a way out of that as is. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy riding with him… but I would feel guilty! Especially if Jake was going to be there. I wouldn’t blame the kid if he wanted to drive the car off a bridge on the way there or something… And I really don’t want to put either of us in that position. Not trying to say Nick is crazy… I just mean it’s a lot for one person to handle
.
So my family came for a visit on Wednesday
, and that was actually quite nice. I more excited to see the dogs than anything else. Which sounds rude… but I can’t help it. I can talk to my family on the phone any time I want but this is the longest I’ve ever gone without having my dogs around. My mom and I got along great as usual and I realized more than ever that I really miss her
… Now as for my dad, we got along… I mean he really tries and I know he loves me, but at the same time I just don’t think I will ever be as close to him as he thinks we are. It makes it kinda awkward
. Then there was my sister. We honestly get along much better than we used to, but I think I’m always going to want it to be more. We are sooo different and to be quite clear… I can’t stand her personality. Well I can because she is my sister and I love her, but if we weren’t related I’m sure I would want her dead. Hell even though we are related there are times I wanted to beat her head against the pool wall
. That may sound quite unnecessary but I know if it wasn’t for the self control I’ve developed I know I would have at least hit her upside the head for a couple of the things she said to me. But…. I held it in, and I just tried to move along. Deep down I know she is never trying to be mean.. She wouldn’t purposefully try to piss me off, like I said it’s just our personalities.
When my family was here we went to the locks and watched a freighter come in. It is crazy how big those guys can be… I also realized as I was looking at the locks that deep water next to walls scares the crap outta me I can handle deep water out in the middle of nowhere but if it is in an enclosed space… it just gives me the creepers
. After they left I just laid around in my room wasting the day away. I even watched some spider videos on youtube. Why on earth I did that I’ll never know… fucking spiders are creepy! Of course after watching them I kept thinking something was touching me.
Friday… sucked balls. I was sick for no apparent reason
. I would get up to puke and then about fall over unconscious. I almost slept the whole day away, but I actually did venture out into the real world to meet Savi at the galley. As I was walking around it felt like everything was a dream
. Shortly after I got back I passed out again and woke up at midnight, I forced myself to sleep at 2 in the morning… but the whole time I kept tossing and turning because I had slept so much already. Eventually I fell asleep thinking about Jake
, and then I had some of the worst/strangest nightmares about Nick ever.
…
It is freaking gorgeous outside today
! I’m almost considering going outside to read later… I haven’t done that in forever. I hadn’t really thought much of how much I missed the sound birds, or the way the sun looks in spring. DAMN it’s been too long. Maybe this can be the motivation to get my homework done<img src=”http://www.opendiary.com/images/smileys/0018.gif” alt=”” />… or I could just work on my homework outside… That’s a thought too. Well either way I need to quit writing this damn thing so I can go do homework! That and I went on for hours about absolutely nothing
. Thank god I only do these for my own entertainment… and not for any real purpose.
Oh and the song! I swear I listen to this song constantly these days. It reminds me of twilight and since I’m currently obsessed with anything twilight again… it just gets to me okay.
THE SPILL CANVAS LYRICS
"This Is For Keeps"
The streets are dark, my pulse is flat-lined
as I’m running to you
You sit completely unaware of what I’m about to do
The air is thick with tension much like when we are together
My fangs are aching as I’m pondering about you and I forever
As I round your corner
I am nervous that you won’t be my lover
I knock three times and hope that my pale complexion won’t blow my cover
You answer the door with your innocent face
Would you like to leave this human race, tonight?
Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we’ll live our infallible love
My brain is pumping an unusual secretion of lust
Your eyes are softer now
and your chin, it drips a bloody color of rust
I am raising up the stakes of this round, I am playing for keeps
Oh, would you like to leave this human race, tonight?
Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we’ll live our infallible love
Follow me into the sea
We’ll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town
We’re both better than this, it’s not worth being down
Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we’ll live our infallible love
Follow me into the sea
We’ll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town (eternally)
We’re both better than this, it’s not worth being down (eternally)