Today will be better, because I say so!

     Today is the begining of something new!

     Okay so that is totaly and utter bullshit.  Change doesn’t work that way.  But I am deciding today that I will do what I want and I will want what’s good for me.  If something feels a bit off-nix it.  You know that gut feeling in your stomach where it goes all warbley right when you’re saying yes to something that inevitably goes badly?  Well I’m going to listen to that instinct even if I’m in the middle of yes, and even if the person I’m saying it to will get pissed-it’s not my problem anymore.  My body seems to think it’s a bad idea, and I trust my body, so the answer is no.

     I will not lie about being angry with someone.  So far it’s been sort of a silent fuming and when I am angry I keep it to myself unless they ask.  I’m sorry, but that is a lie of omission and I just won’t let myself do it anymore.  I am going to force the truth from my lips no matter how much it tries to stick in my throat.  The truth may not set YOU(the person hearing it) free, but I bet it’ll do wonders for me.

     I will, however, edit my thoughts, before they leave my mouth, and take a moment to think things through before blabbing out some kind of silly nonsense.  I’m tired of this foot in my mouth and I want it out and beneath me, carrying me forward, which is where it’s supposed to be.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said something bullshit just to fill a silence, or to get attention and that is another lie I will have nothing to do with.  I will not speak just to break the silence, only to improve it.(haha i think i stole that one from Ever After.  yay Angellica Houston)

     Another thing…"There are good men in the Universe."  Say it with me ladies.  "There are good men in the Universe."  I don’t care how many times you have to say it to believe it, but keep on saying it.  This will be our mantra, our guiding light, and our eventual salvation.  Not the good men, the belief.  We need to believe that there are good ones out there because believing in good people is the first step to believing in our own goodness.  It shouldn’t work that way, but because so many of us are so self-depricating, it does.  So we will work within the system…for now.

     Don’t you dare forget this mantra.  Every time a guy assumes he is "owed" by you, or takes advantage of the trust you’ve given him, lies to you and hurts you deeply, you’ve got to remember this.  In fact, you can even say this mantra to those hurtful, arrogant, and unbelieveably self-absorbed guys out there, with a handy little addendum.  Ready for this one ladies?    "There ARE good men in the Universe…you’re just not one of them."  hehe

     Yes I know that it’s a bit corney, and YES I know it seems a bit superficial, but the actual belief in it is not.  Realizing that there are men in this world who would treat you the way you want to be treated, not the way you feel you deserve to be treated, will be your most liberating experience.  I look forward to it heartily.  And along that same note…don’t become the female version of the guys we hate.  Don’t let yourself.  Care about them, but don’t pander to them.  Don’t let them push you around, and return the favor by not pushing them around.  Oh hell…you get the picture.

     I WILL try not to argue with people all the time, no matter how right I think I am, because I am NEVER as right as I think I am.  Plus, it irritates people needlessly.  Think of it as taking a respectably more chill outlook on life.  I’ve made this resolution in the past and will continue to make it until I can truly follow through without regressing.

     I cannot believe that I have spent so much of my life ovewhelmed by the worries of others.  it is time to think about something else, anything else, until other thoughts come moer naturally to me than the worry, and then I will be as free of it as asnyone can be.  I don’t want to care what people think of me…so I won’t.  In turn I will stop placing the weight of my judgements on others, because the only one who carries that weight is me, and I’m through with it.  Through with pretending I ought to point out when someone is wearing a horrible moomoo out in public, or their hair is a mess, or they look like a snob.  To hell with this learned hipocracy….we’ve all been taught it-judge others for judging you.  How silly.  I’ll burry that ghost with the rest because it is the most exhausting thing in the world to go on snubbing it.  I’m ready to enjoy it and to be happy again.  I’m ready for the bad days to be less than the good days again.

     I will do it, because I say so.  And from now on, what I say goes.  That’s what I want, AND what I deserve.  I’m making choices now.