You want to be dressed in poetry…

     Tomorrow will be a better day.  Because if it’s not a better day I just know I’ll cry…inside…because my tears are broken.  They stopped working properly months ago.  They tease me…backing up behind my eyes until the pressure is pain and the headaches throb through the whole day.  I can’t think past them…can’t live with them…and the medicine is the only thing keeping me sane.

     Do you know what it’s like to realize after 3 days of not taking the meds that maybe your body is forming a dependence?  That maybe you’ll never be okay without it?  That the struggle you’ve fought for so long, to remain here in this world, in each moment, as solidly as it seems other people can manage with ease…is only helped by some little blue capsule?

     I’m afraid of needing this.  But this weekend my brain seemed to desert my body, and I floated aimlessly when what I really needed was to accomplish so much.  I felt utterly disoriented…and I can’t explain it.  Then today after taking them again…the world became solid once more.

     It makes me feel stuck…

                                               which makes me restless….

     I want to go to Greece.  I want to go to Ireland again.  I need motion.

     Ugh.