Tell us, tell us all about it

Well, all the cool kids are doing it…1. Copy and post in your Diary.

2. BOLD anything that is true.

3. Leave plain anything that is not true.

4. Add something.

001. I miss somebody right now.

Does the institution of friendship count as ‘somebody’? No? Ok, well then, Emily, Elsie, Steph, Rin, Tara, Shari, Matt, Laruen, Deborah, Heidi, Heidi, Melanie, and J.J.

002. I watch more tv than I used to.

Well sure, I guess, if this means “there is some time t such that t is before now and the amount of TV I watch now is greater than the amount of TV I watched at time t.” (Consider, for instance, t = July 7, 1776.) If it means something more reasonable, then probably it’s false. I don’t watch much TV these days.

003. I love olives.

Oddly enough, I’ve acquired the taste. Thanks, Elsie.

004. I love sleeping.

005. I own a home.

I own every part of my own body. My chest is a part of my own body. Therefore, I own my chest. My heart is in my chest. Home is where the heart is. Therefore, I own a home.

006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.

I need new glasses. They’re falling apart.

007. I love to play video games.

8-bit Nintendo!

008. I’ve done something illegal.

Jaywalking? Speeding? Being an athiest (just wait!)?

009. I’ve watched porn movies.

Fun!

010. I have been in a threesome.

011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.

012. I like my handwriting. I think it’s pretty and I get compliments.

I’d use the word ‘cool‘ instead of ‘pretty’, but whatever.

013. I have acne-free skin.

More or less, for the past several years, I’m happy to say. That’s one phase my body went though that I’m glad to be done with.

014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.

What’s not to love?

015. I curse frequently.

Like a witch doctor.

016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.

I have new memories, new abilities, new people that I recognize… these are all changes in the mind/brain. And, if I may be stop acting like a smartass for just a moment, I may say that I really do feel myself maturing over time. I’m a pretty ok guy. I guess you could say I’m proud to be who I am.

017. I have a hobby.

I know, a HOBBY! Can you believe it?

018. I’ve been to another country.

Canada, Mexico, The Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, Luxemburg, Switzerland, Austria, England, chronologically.

019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

020. I’m really, really smart.

I guess. I wouldn’t go around uttering that sentence, or even thinking it to myself, but I don’t think I’d disagree with other people saying it of me.

021. I’ve never broken anyone else’s bones.

Animals are someones, right? I’ve done the wishbone thing.

022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.

I think I really don’t. Possibly, I’m forgetting, but nothing’s coming to mind. Sometimes I think I’m boring.

023. I love rain.

I miss you, Houston.

024. I’m paranoid at times.

I’m insecure about girls.

025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

026. I need money right now.

Let’s talk about something else.

027. I love sushi.

I miss you, Houston.

028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.

Something I work on both on stage and when giving presentations. It’s cute and fun for stories, but non-ideal in other contexts.

029. I have fresh breath in the morning.

030. I have semi-long hair.

031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.

032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.

033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.

034. I shave my legs.

035. I have a twin.

037. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.

Yeah, I would die if it weren’t for caller ID. I have a Pacemaker that is powered by caller ID.

Oh yeah, by the way, I was being sarcastic.

038. I like the way that I look.

20/25, 20/20 corrected.

039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.

040. I know how to do cornrows.

041. I am usually pessimistic.

042. I have mood swings.

043. I think prostitution should be legalized.

044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.

There is no denying it: Britney Spears is really intensely hot.

045. I have cheated on a significant other.

046. I have a hidden talent.

Yeah, I buried it in the ground, so it’d be safe for when my master gets back.

047. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.

048. I’ve been sexually intimate with less than ten people.

Fewer than ten. Ok, now, let me think about whether it’s true. Yes, it’s true.

049. I am currently single.

050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.

051. I enjoy talking on the phone.

052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.

053. I love to shop.

For being a guy, I really do like to shop, actually.

054. I would rather shop than eat.

What a dumb sentence. Context, please! Surely we’re not to believe that some people would give up food for life before shopping. On the other hand, I just had dinner, so I’d shop over eating at this moment. Sheesh.

055. I would classify myself as ghetto.

056. I’m bourgeois and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.

057. I’m obsessed with my diary.

058. I don’t hate anyone.

I *think* I can truthfully embolden this claim.

059. I’m a pretty good dancer.

Ha!

060. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.

I suspend belief on this question. I don’t particularly care. So it is true that I don’t think so, because it’s false that I do think so, because I don’t think at all about it.

061. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.

062. I have a cell phone.

063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.

065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.

I’m not sure. What does this mean? *consults dictionary* “Pass out”, it seems, just means “lose consciousness”. So yeah, I’ve done that. I have a few drinks at night, get drunk, and go to bed before I stop being drunk. Whopee.

067. I have never been in a real relationship before.

068. I’ve rejected someone before.

069. I currently have a crush on someone.

I rarely have fewer than a few.

070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

071. I want to have children in the future.

I think. Maybe. I used to definitely want children. I love children. I’m just so anti-settling right now, that it’s harder for me to see it. I expect to come around again in ten or fifteen years.

072. I have changed a diaper before.

073. I’ve had the cops called on me before.

074. I bite my nails.

075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.

076. I’m not allergic to anything deadly.

077. I have a lot to learn.

I’m a philosopher, for God’s sake.

078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.

079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest Friday movie.

080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.

081. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.

082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.

083. I have been rejected by someone.

084. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past.

085. I own the SOUTH PARK movie.

086. I have avoided work to play on OD.

*whistles innocently*

087. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or a chum.

I don’t know what I’m more amused by, this interesting-sounding game’s title, or the use of the word “chum”.

088. I enjoy country music.

089. I love my best friend.

I think this is analytically true. No one I didn’t love could be my best friend.

090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.

091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.

I watch

operaswhenever I can…092. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.

093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.

094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.

095. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”.

096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.

097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.

098. I have dated a close friend’s ex.

099. I’m happy as of this moment.

100. I have gone scuba diving.

101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.

I have crushes on people who don’t exist! But seriously, people. Make your sentences sentences.

102. I’ve kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.

103. I play a musical instrument.

I guess, maybe, technically, sort of. I was sort of a badass high school clarinetist about six years ago. I’m way out of practice, but would guess I could probably play as well as an average high school student right now if I had to.

104. I strongly dislike math.

105. I’m procrastinating on something right now.

Whoo boy.

106. I own and use a library card.

Two, but one not as much as I should.

107. I fall in “lust” more than in “love.”

I really hate the stupid phrase “in lust”. As if lust is in any way comparable to love. This awful locution invites us to make a comparison, and recognize ways in which lust is disappointing when compared to love, and decide that it’s bad, or at least non-valuable, to be “in lust”. In fact, sexual attraction is a beautiful, powerful, and exciting thing, and is a different sort of thing than love, and should be considered on its own, with its own values and dangers. And yeah, one of the ways it’s different is that it’s really easy to experience sexual attraction, while it’s much more involved to fall in love. I have lustful feelings every day. Lately, they’ve been sources of frustration, but for me, they’re part of feeling alive.

108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.

109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.

It’s pretty cool.

110. I’m obsessed with the TV show “The O.C.”

I’ve never seen it, but my roommate likes it.

111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.

112. I am an entirely different person around different people.

If this is true, it SERIOUSLY FUCKS UP the philosophy of personal identity.

113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.

I smile at people a lot more than people smile at me.

114. I think Ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.

115. I am suffering from a broken heart.

116. I am a nerd.

117. No matter where I am or who I’m with, I always seem to be lonely.

No, the problem is that I’m too rarely anywhere cool or with cherished people.

118. I am left handed and proud of it.

That’d be a kind of dumb thing to be proud of. That’s like being proud of being white, or male, or American.

119. I try not to change who I am for someone.

Sheesh. See #112.

120. My heart resides below my feet.

Sheesh. See #5. Seriously, what’s this one mean? Am I just really bad at understanding metaphors?

121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.

Here’s another abuse of language. I hate this talk of “relationships”. I’m in dozens of relationships right now — we can talk about my relationship with my roommate, my advisor, my mother, my friend, the girl I have a crush on… They’re all *relationships*. Why do we sometimes try to reserve the word for monogomous sexual relationships? I have two complaints — the first is simply that this confuses a perfectly good word, “relationship”, which has a broader meaning already. The second is that it divides things unduly into black-and-white, relationship-and-non-relationship. If I’m having sex with someone, this logically implies that we have some kind of relationship, even if all there is to the relationship is the having of sex

this one time. Almost all of my sexual relationships have been more emotionally intimate than that. But to answer the intended question, yes, I have. Indeed, almost every person I’ve had sex with was not a monogomous sexual partner with me at the time. This is because I’ve had very few such commited relationships.122. I enjoy smoothies.

Sure, why not?

123. I have had major surgery.

124. I have adopted a pet from the ASPCA.

125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.

126. Some people call me by a nickname.

Not many, these days, but a few.

127. I once stole a music stand.

128. I like pumpkin pie.

Mmm… pumpkin pie.

129. I love NASCAR!

130. I own over 200 CDs.

I’m not counting, but I think so. I own about 100 Gilbert & Sullivan CDs…

131. I work 7 days a week.

For suitable definitions of work

.132. I have mono.

132. I don’t have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.

133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.

I think — mind I say, I think — they’re usually using “horrible” in the “oh, God, that joke is horrible and I can’t believe I’m laughing so hard” kind of way.

134. I’m still in my PJs.

135. I’m looking for love in all the wrong places.

No, not *all* of them…

136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong guys, or have them fall for me, so I can’t help but reciprocate.

I’m happy to say that this one has never been an issue for me.

137. I’ll try anything three times.

138. Done drugs other than alcohol or cannabis.

GIVE ME A SENTENCE WITH A SUBJECT, PLEASE! Anyway, yeah. Tylenol, Advil, caffiene…

139. I’m having trouble sleeping.

In a sense. The having-trouble-being-smart-enough-to-go-to-bed-at-a-reasonable-hour sense.

140. I am a cuddler.

This is dispositional, right? Like, I don’t have to be currently cuddling to be a cuddler? I’m disposed to cuddle under ideal circumstances.

141. I love John Waters films.

142. I have made a pornographic videotape.

143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.

144. I’ve got the hots for more fictional people than real ones.

No, I’m pickier about fictional characters, because I know them better.

145. I’ve dreamed of and fantasised about having sex with OD people.

146. Christmas is my favorite holiday.

I hate to say it, but I’m sort of anti-holiday in general, actually. Maybe it’s just a function of how my life has been the last couple of years… but holidays are not my friends.

147. I’ve been on dates that were arranged through online personals sites.

Two people, so far. Both were nice, but neither have developed into anything huge (yet?).