to be on top of your own world

the show at zaphod’s was cool. a few minor mistakes…but so much good rock and roll. so much so that the owner of the club went out of his way to compliment us on it. weird.

i was a little on the pissed off side of things that all the people who were there for the other bands pretty much disappeared by the time we took the stage, but fuck them. they missed out on something good. fuck them and leave them for the wolves, because they don’t know what’s what.

or at least that’s what i’m going to continue to tell myself in order to maintain my confidence as a performer.
speaking of which, i definitely coughed up a bit of blood this afternoon. note to self, don’t scream so much.

i wrote a song once about her

some people are PROBABLY poison for eachother. either mutually or just uni-directional.
and poison doesn’t have to be bitter. fuck, anti-freeze tastes like candy but if you drink it you’ll get sick. too much and you’ll die.

how i felt.
did you feel low?
not at all!
huh?!?!

hey man, let’s dress up like cops. think of what we could do!!

well, i’ve come to the general conclusion that i’m stuck here. and forget it…who gives two shits about school? like i do. it’s all just a bizarre experiment, with two contradicting goals. the first goal is to see if i can find somone, at age 21, to settle down with. the second goal that completely contradicts the first is to see if i’m even capable of "playing the field" and doing all the regular 20-something shit that i don’t think i can do.

i’m my own behavioural experiment, there’s no doubt about it. i always have been and i always will be.

let’s see how this one goes.

-jav