you don’t need nobody to taunt you

i may be an asshole.
i probably am an asshole.
but i own up to my mistakes when i make them. i will admit when i’m wrong.
i pay my debts when i have them.
and i try to help out my friends however i can.
i like to think that those three things are enough to make up for my more volatile traits.
but it probably isn’t.
because if you’re short with someone, or quiet when they’re not expecting you to be, or honest with them when they’re not going to like what you have to say, it doesn’t really matter if you’re a principled (not claiming right or wrong, here, just principled), generally generous (with your time and money) individual…you’re a dick.

a lot of the time, i only realize "oh…that could be construed as an asshole thing to do/say" LONG after the fact.
because i’m not inredibly well adjusted, socially. i don’t understand the intricacies of being a human being, really.
and i don’t think that people get that about me, and i worry that i won’t get a second chance.
i didn’t have a normal high school run, and i think that being that dork that got picked on by the older kids, called ugly and trash and fag and pushed up against lockers, skewed my barometre of how people interact with each other.
it made me awkward, and i’d imagine a decently difficult person to get along with sometimes.

i’m not presenting an excuse to you people, but i am asking for a bit of understanding when you deal with me.
i’m a very generous person, and if you’re my friend i’ll always be there for you (a little appreciation is nice, but if you don’t feel like returning the favour, don’t worry, i won’t stop you from taking advantage of me because i’m so insecure in my relationships that i don’t want to jeopardize them by saying "no").
i think i get misunderstood sometimes.

so this is a quick summary of my behaviour to try and get us on the same page and avoid hard feelings.

-jav