gaps in history.

September 17, 2003

her voice is of saturnine beauty. what would i give to keep the secrets of this maiden of blood, love, war, peace, birth, and history. she has no eyes – where she is going she’ll never need them. a crystalline burst of starry wonder where the orbs of her vision ought to be. how strange that i should find her here, in the depths and filth among the serfs. her skin blossoms from the flimsy cloth that contains her. she will never beseech me to beware of darkness.

through thin walls we listen, listen so closely to the soiled and dampened voices of despair, but we shall never pay them any mind, lest we stumble and fall to our dooms.

she looks at me and laughs, and i do not understand, for in her youth so shrouded are the feelings that she has decided (in her whimsy) to entertain. never entrenched in saccharine sentiment is she, for her slender fingers have touched the blanket of the universe. i fear her as i fear the small child that terrorizes my dreams of night. fear her and her rhapsody. burned in her rhapsody.

my lungs have closed, like the doors of some darkling bower, and the light that courses through her veins sheds not on my cracked and soured flesh.

……………

amethyst, she named herself, and she whispered it to the sky as she stood on a city street, the lights and sounds diffusing into her and shaking her to the muddied ground. never walked with her friends did she, the cackling jesters that had alligned themselves – and still do – with her likeness.

beautiful endings. glimmering death and beautiful endings.

i would chase her dragons through snowy dreams and across the oceans. through the deepest trenches and into limitless space. lucky, though, would i be to sip from her poisoned cup.

i sit with the ashes where my days are as lifetimes. i will lay down my youthful stupidity for the same voice that guides her life and whispers to her mind.

she will not call to me, but i will wait.

i’ve been waiting forever.

-jav