The full story on my brother!

My brother, is 2 years 4 month and 17 days younger than me.

As far as I can remember, my dad never got the chance to lay a hand on him as long as I was in the house. By the time I had left he was 16 and almost a grown man.

The first episode of depression came about 4 years ago. His girlfriend and him had a daughter in 96, In 2000 she decided she wanted to move on with her life, without him. I admit, he is a hard person to live with. He is basically an ass. But he didnt’ want to give up on her. She moved out. He called me one afternoon to tell me goodbye and that he loved me. He had called my parents prior to me and left them a message. I talked to him and my phone started beeping (thank god for call waiting) It was my parents and I told them they needed to get down to him fast ( they live about an hour and a half away from us) As I am talking to him, he is standing on a chair in his garage, witha rope around his neck. I kept him on the phone for over an hour. he hangs up on me. I kept calling back and he wouldn’t answer. I flip out and drive over to his house. My parents were already there, and they had greg. When he hung up on me, he kicked the chair out from under him to hang himself, and the rope broke.

My parents never believed in doctors or mental disorders. They just packed Greg up and took him home with them. He started drinking for about 4 months and finally started coming out of it. He was a real ass to be around, but at least he wasn’t depressed and suicidial.

Now, to the lastest episode.Greg met Tracey about 2 years ago. She has 3 kids, one lives with the dad. She was a bar fly. He took up with her and played dad to her kids. They moved in together about a year ago. Her kids fit right in with mine and my brothers daughter, but I couldn’t stand her. she would get drunk and beat the hell out of my brother and he went to jail twice. She should have been the one to go but greg is a loud mouth when he is drunk, so they always took him. (not saying he was an innocent person, he usually started the fights, but she litterally tried to claw his eyes out and he went to jail.

She started going to AA meetings and they were both staying sober and really becoming a family.Greg was trying really hard and so was she. 2 weeks ago sunday she was at work and he was there watching the race and she told him she wasn’t comig home, that she was moving in with her sister.

DOWN HILL slide for greg. He went back into his depression and suicidial thoughts. My parents called me, but there was nothing I could do.This past wednesday he finally snapped. He called my mom at work and told her that he was looking for a gun to blow his brains out. he was tired of hurting and wanted to end it. Well, she left work and got to him. He admitted he needed help so off to the ER they went. Where they live, there is NOTHING for mental health. So they referred him to a place near me. I met my parents there and brought him clothes and stuff. I didn’t get to see him.

Thursday, I go to see him. He is in the WRONG place for what he needs. Basically, in all aspects. He was in the state mental hospital. There are no counsleors for depression. He was in a ward with everything you can imagine and the drs admitted he wasn’t where he needed to be, but wouldn’t release him so we could get him where he needed to be. Me being the big sister I am, fought with the doctors until I finally got them to see that I was serious about getting an attorney. They said they would release him on Friday after THEY set up the right treatment for him near his house.

Friday, I got there and waited and waited. Finally talked to the doctors and got to bring him home. he was still depressed and worried about her and her kids.

I took him home on Saturday. Things were still touchy with him, but he was actually seeming better.

He went to his new cousleor Monday and today. After he got home from the appointment today he called her. Told her that she needed to get her stuff out of his house and that after talking to his counsleors, and getting his mind straight, that she wasn’t what he needed and that he had to be done with her. This is a big step and a good one. I am so proud of him. I just hope that he will stay with it and continue on the path he has started. He likes his counsleor and is taking his anti depressants like he is supposed to.

This has been a really trying week for me. But it made me realize that counsleors aren’t such a bad thing. Maybe one day I will venture that path. When I feel I am ready to open the doors and let all the memories out. I keep everything in and blow up over something small. I have episodes where Russ and I will start arguing and I get so emotional that in my head I just know he will hit me. I revert to a child. I roll in a ball and scream and scratch myself til I bleed. Russ has learned not to touch me when this happens, just to talk tome til I come back to myself. The weirdest of it all, I don’t know I did it til he tells me. For the record, russ has NEVER EVER laid a hand on me in anger.

My hands are getting really tired from typing, So I am going to leave this for now. I feel like writting so much more, but I dont think I can.

Ali