*mantra* Violence is NOT the answer…

[Monday, 11:18 AM] Ben: and are you mad at me for some reason
[Monday, 11:18 AM] Me: no
[Monday, 11:18 AM] Me: guily conscience?
[Monday, 11:18 AM] Me: guilty*
[Monday, 11:18 AM] Ben: no
[Monday, 11:19 AM] Ben: what reason would i have for a guilty conscience?
[Monday, 11:19 AM] Me: I don’t know
[Monday, 11:19 AM] Me: why should I be mad at you?
[Monday, 11:20 AM] Ben: cause you and i havent talked in a while i thought you were mad at me about something?
[Monday, 11:20 AM] Me: I’ve been busy
[Monday, 11:20 AM] Ben: ok
[Monday, 11:20 AM] Me: very, very, very busy
[Monday, 11:21 AM] Me: and very drunk
[Monday, 11:21 AM] Me: but mostly busy
[Monday, 11:21 AM] Ben: i see, lol, wow
[Monday, 11:21 AM] Me: oooh you have noooo idea
[Monday, 11:21 AM] Me: you’d have thought you’d seen me at my worse.
[Monday, 11:21 AM] Me: woooooow would you be wrong
[Monday, 11:21 AM] Ben: no i havent
[Monday, 11:22 AM] Me: uh, do you recall the night I would NOT stop crying?
[Monday, 11:22 AM] Me: well, I officially threw up this weekend
[Monday, 11:22 AM] Me: spectacular event, reall
[Monday, 11:22 AM] Me: y
[Monday, 11:23 AM] Ben: of course, but i wouldnt say that is the worst
[Monday, 11:23 AM] Ben: lol
[Monday, 11:23 AM] Me: well, there was also that night we met you
[Monday, 11:23 AM] Me: god.
[Monday, 11:23 AM] Me: anyway, this was bad, and Greg made sure to make fun of me for it.
[Monday, 11:24 AM] Ben: sweet guy that greg
[Monday, 11:24 AM] Me: he was the one mixing me the drinks!
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Me: I was drinking captain and coke all night, and then I got the bright idea to drink a mudslide.
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Me: I promptly threw up.
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Ben: lol
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Ben: go court
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Me: they all warned me. They said "you’re going to get sick, and you’re going to regret it in the morning."
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Me: And so I said "YAY" and I drank it anyway.
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Me: it was very good…
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Me: …both times.
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Ben: lol
[Monday, 11:25 AM] Me: *makes a face*
[Monday, 11:26 AM] Ben: going down and coming up
[Monday, 11:26 AM] Me: blah
[Monday, 11:26 AM] Me: bad night.
[Monday, 11:26 AM] Me: very bad.
[Monday, 11:26 AM] Me: I went to go pee, crashed on the bed, got sick, go UP, threw up, went and laid back down for two hours, got BACK up, and sat outside for the rest of the night with Greg.
[Monday, 11:27 AM] Me: it was not an fun night.
[Monday, 11:27 AM] Me: Matt had a seizure in my car that afternoon.
[Monday, 11:27 AM] Ben: that SUCKS!!!
[Monday, 11:27 AM] Me: yeah
[Monday, 11:28 AM] Ben: i am sorry to hear it
[Monday, 11:29 AM] Me: he’s okay.
[Monday, 11:29 AM] Me: well, mostly
[Monday, 11:29 AM] Me: heeeey my friend’s school is on CNN
[Monday, 11:30 AM] Ben: lol cool, i guess
[Monday, 11:30 AM] Me: uh…
[Monday, 11:30 AM] Me: for a shooting.
[Monday, 11:31 AM] Ben: oh
[Monday, 11:32 AM] Ben: i have a question.
[Monday, 11:32 AM] Me: huh
[Monday, 11:32 AM] Ben: how good of friends are we?
[Monday, 11:32 AM] Me: I don’t know
[Monday, 11:34 AM] Ben: are we friends or acquantances?
[Monday, 11:34 AM] Me: I’d hope we’re friends. I’m sorry, I just have so much going on I’m neglecting a lot of people
[Monday, 11:36 AM] Ben: from how i understand it an acquantance is someone that you talk to once in a while, when your bored
[Monday, 11:37 AM] Me: an aquantance is someone who you don’t bother talking to at all, unless you happen to run into each other someplace
[Monday, 11:37 AM] Me: whatever, Ben. I know this probably bothers you, but I can honestly say I don’t have time, or the energy, to worry about our relationship status. At least I talk to you.
[Monday, 11:39 AM] Me: I’m sorry if that makes me sound like the bitch of the year or something, but I just don’t have it in me.
[Monday, 11:39 AM] Ben: it doesnt make you sound like a bitch,
[Monday, 11:40 AM] Ben: just avoiding a conversation about where i stand in the world of Courtney
[Monday, 11:41 AM] Ben: is that to much to ask from you?  I guess
[Monday, 11:41 AM] Me: I don’t fucking know where I stand in my OWN world, Ben!
[Monday, 11:42 AM] Me: when I figure it out, I’ll let you know. Not everything in the world is black and white, cut and dry.
[Monday, 11:42 AM] Me: You of ALL people should KNOW THAT.
[Monday, 11:42 AM] Ben: i do, but hey looking for the bigger picture is part of life
[Monday, 11:43 AM] Me: yeah, and you know what? right now, looking at the big picture in life for me right now is looking at a LOT of scary shit that I really don’t think I can handle at the moment.
[Monday, 11:43 AM] Me: but excuse me for having a life crisis and all.
[Monday, 11:44 AM] Ben: i wonder what a midlife crisis is like?
[Monday, 11:44 AM] Me: not as bad as what my family is going through right now
[Monday, 11:44 AM] Me: you don’t know what sort of stress I have in my life
[Monday, 11:45 AM] Me: I am up here because my family needs me, and I need them. I’ve changed schools and my whole life, and I’m starting over again where I started to begin with. It’s fucked up, and I’m trying to keep my feet on the ground right now. I don’t know who my real friends are, quite honestly.
[Monday, 11:46 AM] Me: So, when I can figure that out, I’ll be sure to let you and everyone else know.
[Monday, 11:46 AM] Ben: well i will ttyl
[Monday, 11:47 AM] Me: bye