Apathetic and NCMEA Conference

I’ve been hit with a very apathetic mood about my school work.

And I’ve been asking myself if I really want to spend the next 14 years of my life going to school for neuropsychology. Does it mean that much to me? Do I want to do that, or something else?

I think this is the stress doing this to me.

I’m going to fail biology. This sucks. It’s my fault. Seriously. I didn’t take that class seriously and now it’s biting me in the ass. You live, you learn. Not to mention 2/3 of the class is failing it. So it’s not totally me. She really is a moron. And a hobbit. 4 people passed the exam with an 80 or higher two weeks ago. Yes, 4. And because someone got a 98 she refused to curve it. Did I mention my class has 60 people in it?

Sixty people. Most of them failed the test, or did dismally on it. I personally got a 68 on it. Mind you, my favorite subject in high school next to english was biology. I loved the class, and I left it with a 94. But this isn’t highschool, you know, where I had a teacher with a PhD (this professor doesn’t, and I know some don’t, but still). I’m being taught by a woman who enjoys spending most of her time in a very small room looking at dragon fly samples. Or black widows. And did I mention she’s a hobbit? She’s not exactly the most pleasant person. And she uses only PowerPoint. And reads off of it. PowerPoint should be banned from college lectures. Grr.

But it’s still my fault that I’m failing. I know this, and I’ll pay for it. You don’t have to remind me. I can guilt trip myself enough for it. I know I fucked up.

It still sucks.

Anyway, I figured I’d bitch here about my problem that’s my fault but not really but it’s still my fault.

Oh, so I haven’t been sleeping. Oh yeah, that’s been highly entertaining. No sleep til 4-5am, up at 10, repeat. For a week. And if you knew my schedule for this week you’d probably do the crying for me. Not that I didn’t totally have a total emotional issue the other night. I just felt bad for stuff. Maria’s problem made me so sad it was ridiculous, and other things. It’s just so much to deal with this time of year.

So, I’m going to Winston-Salem to sing at the NCMEA Conference on Monday, and I have a concert to sing at here on Saturday night. Schedule? Here:

Today:

– Sociology exam at 12:30
– World History Exam 2:00
– English 3:30-4:45
– Laundry, cleaning, etc. before I leave
– This is my time to relax before the weekend, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a research paper to write that’s due on Nov. 17 on Han Fi Zu for World Civ.

Friday:

– Practice 11:30-12:20pm
– Biology 3:30-4:20
– Practice 8:30-11pm
Laundry if I still have some

Saturday (God Help Me):

– Pack for the trip
– Straighten my hair (Maybe, must give 2.5 hours to do that)
– Rehearsal 3:00-6pm
– Dinner
Concert at 7:30pm
– Go with my Mom back to her hotel because she doesn’t want to be alone

Sunday:

– Come back to the school early
– Leave for WS at 1pm
Arrive to WS at 4:30, straight to dinner at Macaroni Grill with choir and band
Rehearsal from 6:30-11pm

Monday:

– Warm-up 9:30-10:30
– Concert at 11:15am
– Board bus at 2:30 to go back to UNCP
S- SLEEP

I’m so excited, but I’m so, so tired at the same time. I can’t wait for thanksgiving break. Seriously. And then, oh sweet Gods, a month off for the holidays.

Goodnight.