+Surprise Twists

Well!  This has been an… interesting couple weeks, to say the least.  (Obligatory exclamations of disbelief of how long since I’ve written should be taken as exclaimed.)

Things with SOLT have been a violent seesaw of emotions.  First they were going to let me go through their Lay Formation program… then they weren’t. Then they wanted me to volunteer at one of their missions first.  Then there were no positions available.

After weeks of delay, and my financial situation becoming more sketchy (I’d expected to be *gone* this summer!), finally I get told they’re not going to consider me at all.  Just like that.  In an email.

It was, to quote Fr. Gerald, "A rather passive-aggressive way of doing business."  (He’d gone through something similar with another monastery before he got accepted into his current one, so could sympathize.)

I am disappointed, of course.  Not as much as I would have expected;  the lack of volunteer options hit me harder, and I think I started to see the handwriting on the wall at that point.  But in neither case have I seen any signs of depression looming, which is very good news.  I’m a bit bummed, yes, but I’m not spiralling – very good news.

Then the next twist came.  As mentioned, I saw Fr. Gerald yesterday.  I’ve been considering my options, and I floated one of them past him… "You know how you suggested to me a couple years ago that I take theology classes here at the seminary?  And I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to go into debt?"  (Debt being the kiss of death to religious life.)

He said, "Yes, but the situation is the same now, isn’t it?" "No.  My grandmother left me some money when she died.  Due to some logistical snarls, I just got access to it a few weeks ago."  That was enough for Fr. Gerald to swing into action:  A frightening thing. 🙂

Next thing I know, I have an application and two different course catalogs in my hand, and I’m talking to one of the priests in charge of admissions, who cheerfully informs me they can likely work me in before classes start late next month.

I’m… quite stunned.  It happened so fast, I’m still not quite sure it’s real.  (There’s the application, though, as solid proof…)  The concept of going to school again after all these years is exciting and a little frightening.  Though I have no doubt I can handle the material, it’s definitely a very different sort of material than the science courses I was doing before.

Somewhere in there, I asked Fr. Gerald if he thought this was genuinely a good idea.  He did.  "If you’re sure you want to work full-time in the Church," (and I am) "then this is a step forward in faith."  It keeps a lot of options open, too:  This is the stuff I’d need to, say, be a full-time catechist, and it’s also (some of) the stuff I’d need if I were to become a priestly candidate.  So it could save precious time later on… and I’m not getting any younger.  (I’m already definitely leaning toward the old side for starting life as a religious.)  What’s more, it has the potential to expose me to all sorts of people at the seminary… and as Fr. Gerald has always told me, "If people get to *know* you, they’ll want you."

He was of the educated opinion that I’d be able to jump straight into the three-year Master of Arts in Theology program…  but the guy in admissions strongly recommended taking two years of undergraduate philosophy first, and noted they’re mulling a rules-change requiring it in any case.

Five years is a long time… but then, anything can happen in the midst of those five years, as well.  My grandmother’s money will definitely not stretch that far on its own, but between financial aid, work-study, and working during the summer, I might just be able to pull it off.  Certainly I can handle the first two years for the philosophy B.A., and assess my options at that point.  Perhaps by then I’ll have a further lead on my vocation, who knows?  And I’d have to take the philosophy at some point anyway.

I’m actually a little surprised I’m not much more terrified, to be honest. 🙂  I’m still a bit bemused by it all.  Likely I’d have to rent a room or something in the tiny town the monastery is in, as it’s too far to commute on a daily basis.  (Only actual seminarians can live on campus, they don’t have room for people in my position.)

The way things have come together so neatly (with Grandma’s money finally coming under my name so recently) is a little suspicious – and encouraging.  All the same, I’ve got my men’s group praying hard for discernment during the next few weeks.

I just want to do your will, Beloved.  Set my feet on the right path.