Travelling Through Another Dimension…

You guessed it.  Welcome once again to…

The Liturgical Twilight Zone.

So yesterday I go up to the altar to be a Eucharistic minister.  As I was praying, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you," I felt that the Lord was letting me know that he was with me and that this was going to be an "interesting" day.

As is most usual, I minister the Precious Blood.  I look down into the cup when I get to my station, as always, and whisper, "I love you."

I’ve been going through a lot of wonderings, doubts, questionings, and ponderings of late regarding my vocation.  But I was still caught totally unprepared when it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks that I say those words more often to the Eucharistic Christ than to anyone else.  It was as if he were saying to me, "See?  It’s simple, really." 🙂  I had the very strong impression that he quite firmly intended to be my Beloved in an exclusive way:  That part of my calling is definitely to live a life of consecrated celibacy.

Then the choir began singing the Communion hymn, and it bowled me over all over again.  I’ve heard it dozens of times before (though it was a little unusual for us to sing it just now, as it’s normally an Advent song) but it’d never hit me anything like this.

Comfort, comfort, O my people, / Speak of peace, now says our God;
Comfort those who sit in darkness, / Mourning ‘neath their sorrow’s load.

It struck me hard that that was exactly what I’d been doing with Juan the previous day.  Then:

Speak unto Jerusalem / Of the peace that waits for them;
Tell of all the sins I cover / and that warfare now is over.

I couldn’t manage to hold back tears, though I retained enough control to give the Blood to people.  It’s not easy to explain what this meant to me at the time, but at the least it was confirming my long-held desire to tell others of Christ, and giving both permission and a promise to end a lot of the internal struggles I go through with obsessive thinking.  (The "warfare now is over" part.)

Then:

Hark, the voice of one who’s crying / In the desert far and near,
Bidding all to full repentance / Since the Kingdom now is here.
O that warning cry obey! / Now prepare for God a way;
Let the valleys rise to meet him / And the hills bow down to greet him.

Wow.  A lot of stuff came together for me here.  I’ve been drawing closer to St. John the Baptist (and St. Dominic, who has a similar vibe) for quite some time now.  My People of Praise men’s group has repeatedly noted that I’m very eager to share the Word with others. (I ask them to pray for people I’m talking to.)  What this verse said to my heart was to confirm that this is my calling.  I don’t have to guess or wonder about it any more – this is it.  And I’m to prepare a way for his work in my own life through heartfelt repentance in the coming days too.

I haven’t been able to stop humming and singing that song ever since.  It sometimes makes me cry even now, more than a day afterward, with plenty of other stuff going on.  I feel… comforted. 🙂

St. John the Baptist, pray for me.  St. Dominic, pray for me.  St. Francis Xavier, pray for me.  St. Isaiah, pray for me.  St. Paul, pray for me.

Beloved, I will go wherever you wish.

Send me!  Open my lips and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.

Give me a well-trained tongue, to speak to the weary a Word that will rouse them!