+Teeter Tutor

I don’t know why I’m writing more in here all of a sudden.  I just feel like it.  It probably has something to do with the fact that I’ve mostly given up a webforum I was visiting an awful lot…  It’s a great and friendly place, nothing wrong with it, but in the end I felt it was mostly the Internet equivalent of watching television or eating popcorn.  Not a whole lot of substance.  I drop by there now and then, but don’t spend hours at it as I used to.

I need a new job.  And I don’t want to look for one.  Sigh.

Job-hunting is probably my Least Favorite Thing To Do.  All of it – the uncertainty, the interviews where you have to brag about yourself, the constant disappointments.  I hate it even at the best of times.

And it certainly doesn’t help that I actually LIKE my current job.  It’s not without its stresses, to be sure, but it’s rewarding.  But the hours are much too long (at any rate, if I want to keep my head above water) and I have no benefits, and I don’t make enough to save much.  I have no buffer in case anything goes wrong.

The university doesn’t pay me remotely what my work is worth.  I have about 10 hours a week of private students, but while I charge them more, college students just aren’t willing to pay a truly reasonable amount either.  (Funny, they can afford a cell phone and an iPod, and to eat lunch out every day, but they tell me they can’t afford to pay for quality tutoring!)  The worst is when you name a rock-bottom price and they look at you like you’re out of your mind.  Funny, they go and pay a doctor $60 for fifteen minutes’ work and think nothing of it.  But paying me a fraction of that for an hour’s work is out of the question.  Never mind the money they lose failing a class they don’t need to fail!

But I’ve never been about the money anyway.  I don’t need to make a lot of money, and I don’t have any particular desire to either.  I’ve proven over the last few years that I can survive fairly happily on not much – and that gives me confidence I needed.  It’s given me confidence about voluntary poverty, if nothing else. 🙂  But thinking realistically, at some point I’m going to need more than routine medical care, and I don’t want to have to rely on my family or the People of Praise to help me out.  And likewise, saving for an eventual retirement is something I have to think about.  I’m not getting any younger.

Sigh.  I do like this job.  I’ve genuinely helped people (a couple of my students tell me they’re still in college only because I’ve helped them), I’ve made a few new friends, I’ve been able to encourage others to seek the Lord when the right moment presented itself.  That’s all great stuff.

But I’m tired.  Between work, RCIA, various other church stuff, and the People of Praise, I’m occupied from 10 AM to 9 PM every day except Sunday.  (And large chunks of Sunday are often taken up too.)  I don’t have time to take stock, and I need that.  I don’t have time to recharge the batteries, and I need that too.  Sometimes I barely have time to EAT, but I’ve gotten better about forcing that into my schedule.  (I’ve had, by necessity, to get better at saying "No" to desperate students.  No, I am not going to see you on my lunch hour.  No, I am not going to see you at dinner time.  No, I am not going to stay up until 11 PM.)

Not to say that I’m working nonstop all the time.  God forbid that the university should have to pay me for more than 40 hours a week. 😛  (That’s forbidden.)  Even with my private students, it doesn’t come to as many hours as all that.  But the breaks I have aren’t extensive enough for me to leave, get anything done, and come back.  I can’t park on campus (just a temp, remember?), so I have to walk 20 minutes to my car and 20 minutes back.  What can you get done in an hour at that rate?  It’s to the point where I only have time to do laundry on Sundays,  and I hate that.

I use the breaks to surf the Internet and to pray.  (Not enough of the latter, I’m afraid!)  But surfing, while fun and often rewarding, doesn’t really give my brain what it needs to unwind.  Doing Sudoku puzzles, curiously, often does help.  It forces me to really use my brain, but in a completely different way than tutoring calls for.  It’s oddly relaxing and infuriating all at once. 🙂  (There’s nothing like putting the finishing touches on a puzzle, only to realize to your horror that you somehow missed a little error and have to start all over.  I’ll bet that’s worth fifteen minutes of Purgatory *at least*. 😉

Now I’m going to rant a little bit about my job.  If you don’t want to read a rant, skip to the end of this cleverly-marked block of text.

My boss gets on my case at the end of every term for being impatient.  I will admit up-front that impatience is my worst flaw as a tutor.  It is a real problem, and I’m working on it.  But at the same time, honestly guys, this job would try the patience of a saint!

Isaiah Paul’s Tutoring Gripe List:

1.  Students who are constitutionally unable to show up on time.  Which is NEARLY ALL OF THEM!  I completely understand that things come up.  Sometimes I’m late too.  But come ON, people!

2.  Students who schedule you for a block of time, then don’t show up.  The university in its infinite wisdom only lets me charge for fifteen minutes of that.  No matter how long the block of time is.

3.  Worse yet, students who schedule you for a block of time, then send you an email five minutes ahead of time saying they won’t show up.  You would think this would be more bearable, because at least they thought of you.  But it means that I can’t even charge the fifteen minutes!  And I can rarely scare anyone else up on short notice.  (True, I could probably get away with lying and putting down the time anyway.  But I won’t do that.)

4.  Students who routinely flake out on you, but the university refuses to follow its own policy and cut them off.  And if you give up on them and give their time to someone else, they get all mad.

5.  Students who complain that you don’t have any time slots that match their schedule.  Even though you offered at the beginning of the term to give them a regular time, but they breezily said they didn’t want to commit to one.

6.  Students who try to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do with sob stories about how they’re going to get kicked out of school.  There is a definite – and recognizable – difference between someone who is honestly overwhelmed (to whom my heart goes out) and someone who is trying to twist your arm and manipulate you.  It gets my hackles up, bigtime.

7.  Students who don’t want to learn, just pass a class then flush the information out of their brains forever.  Which is a pretty large fraction, but not as large as I’d feared.

8.  Students who are afraid to say they don’t know something.  This is especially bad for me, because my teaching method is mostly Socratic.  I ask people questions.  This frustrates some, but it WORKS.  It really does.  Provided they actually will answer them.  But I have had a few – almost all Chinese women, so it’s probably a cultural thing – who are so afraid of giving the wrong answer that they just clam up and stare at you.  No amount of soothing and gentleness helps.  They are convinced you are going to bark at them or something.  It gets so frustrating that at times I *have* ended up barking at them, to my shame.  I have learned through bitter experience that I just have to recognize these people early and get them reassigned, because I can’t deal with it.  I am not going to spoonfeed anyone answers.  Nor am I a replacement for the professor.  My job is to help people with what they don’t understand, and if they won’t be open with me about what they don’t understand, how am I supposed to help?

Interestingly, the Japanese and Vietnamese women I’ve tutored have been a great bunch of ladies, very easy to work with.  I don’t know if it’s just luck of the draw, or if there really is something about Chinese culture.

9.  Students who lose their temper with the material and even cuss at it.  Or call it "stupid".  (Why am I wasting my time helping you learn stupid stuff, hm?)  It can get a bit intimidating, too, like they’re blaming you.  Since most of the people who do this are rather large athletic guys, it can be a little alarming.  I’ve had to speak to a couple people about that.  And I had to drop one guy earlier this term for severe personality conflict – the guy turned passive-aggression into an art form.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, was ever his fault.  It was the teacher’s fault.  It was his TA’s fault.  It was the university’s fault.  It was my fault.  (When all the time he was a classic case of 11) below.)  I just couldn’t take it any more.

10.  Students who answer their cell phone (ALL college students have cell phones – I think it’s a requirement to get in these days 🙂 while you’re working with them.  This is incredibly disrespectful, and blows the momentum of the entire session.  Of course, the call is always "important".  Of course.  It rarely seems to sound important from the part I hear, though.

11.  Students who have no business even being in the class in the first place.  Kids, if you clearly have not mastered algebra, you are wasting your time and money taking a calculus class, or even a physics class.  There are sharp limits to how much a tutor can help you with a couple hours a week.  You may learn the calculus (or physics) by the skin of your teeth, but you’ll be eaten alive on tests because you can’t manipulate the equations.  Never, ever, ever think you can pick up something like algebra again as you go.  It doesn’t work, unless you really did master it in the past.

Of course you can’t SAY that to them, not like that.  If they’re not *too* bad I just grit my teeth and go on.  (It’s a VERY common problem.)  If they are clearly in way over their head, I tell them gently that the class will be a real struggle for them and they should consider their options.  A couple people have been so hopeless that I’ve gone to my boss and told her bluntly that there’s no way they can possibly pass.

This one is perhaps my biggest peeve, and my biggest fault.  I don’t know why it is that I have infinite patience for algebra mistakes from algebra students, and so little for algebra mistakes from a calculus student.  My mind is filled with, "You should know this!"  Maybe it’s just that algebra is a language, and I’m completely fluent.  Blatant grammar mistakes are to be expected from a foreigner or a beginner.  They are not to be expected from someone reading Shakespeare, much less someone writing poetry.  And calculus *is* the algebra equivalent of poetry, and comes darn near being the equivalent of Shakespeare, too.

The really telling thing about it, though, the thing that rubs my nose in the fact that it is really my fault, is that I have much more patience with the people I actually like.

Despite all that, though, I do love my job.  For the most part I like my students, too.  But, as I said, my labor is being pretty blatantly exploited.  And the bureaucracy… ye cats, you wouldn’t BELIEVE the bureaucracy in a state university.  I could put up with it all if I were making enough to truly live on.  But I’m not.  I’m making enough to barely scrape by, if all goes well.  That isn’t enough.  It especially isn’t enough for not having a life.  Like I said, I’m tired.

On the other hand, I dread being idle, too.  I’m going to greatly enjoy the Christmas break.  For about a week.  And for the Christmas holiday, of course.  But too long of a vacation is not at all good for me.  This summer was horrendous.  I don’t handle unstructured time at all well.  (That’s only one of many reasons why I think I’m made for religious life. 🙂

I’m going to be putting some of that time to good (?) use spreading my nets for other work or other options.  Prayers are appreciated.

Longer term options…

I don’t think private tutoring is going to work out for me.  It’s becoming clear that you have to spend a lot of time selling yourself and drumming up business.  And my personality is such that I can’t hack that.  It’d be like looking for a job ALL THE TIME.  Mind you, I am building up a good bit of word-of-mouth by now, and that is a blessing.  But it’s word-of-mouth among college students, who aren’t willing to pay much.  Tutoring kids living at home is where the money is, but that’s breaking into an entirely different market, and I’m not sure I can handle it.

On the other hand, applying to Kaplan and teaching people to take the SAT and other standardized tests doesn’t exactly thrill me either.  It’d probably double my salary overnight, but I’m not sure it’s worth it.  Though at least teaching the GRE would let me use all these higher-level skills of mine.  Of course, I’d have to *retake* all those tests. 😛  (They insist on you having taken the tests you teach or tutor within the last five years.)

I’ve been thinking of applying to the Trinity schools, but thus far they have no openings.

I’ve thought about going back to school to get a teaching degree, but the more I hear from public schoolteachers I know and respect, the less I want to go that route.  It’s becoming nightmarish in that venue.

I’ve thought about going into catechesis, which is my real love.  But to get anywhere in that field these days, you have to have a degree.  (Why is the Church getting so darn *professionalized* anyway?!  There WERE no theology programs for laypeople just 50 years ago!)  And a seminary education doesn’t come cheap if you’re not a priestly candidatebeing sponsored by someone.  Even then, the job market is pretty darn tight – but the good news is once you’re in somewhere, you’re pretty well set. 🙂

Priesthood and religious life is, of course, where I want to ultimately end up.  But doors will have to open for that to happen, and so far they have not definitively opened.  I haven’t yet heard back from the SOLT vocation director, though, so who knows.

I’m starting to have real doubts whether the People of Praise is my long-term destination.  But that’s for another entry.  They are a wonderful bunch of people and they’re doing wonderful things.  But I’m just not sure it’s where I belong.