+Lurching Along

Well, had a bit of a speed bump this weekend, but otherwise things are proceeding like a house afire.

Turns out that Irving is a little too polite and well-mannered a lad for his own good – to the pont of compromising his honesty.  Since it seemed that there were no real plans in the family for his birthday, I offered to take him out and do something fun – whatever he’d like.  He said he’d like that, and I took him at his word.  Unfortunately things cropped up for me on the day itself (Wednesday) so I rescheduled to this weekend.

When I showed up, he started getting ready to go, but Juan forced an issue out into the open – that Irving didn’t really want to go.  That he felt uncomfortable talking to me.

For a moment my heart nearly exploded, as that was the exact phrase Fr. Jesse used on me in our infamous little conversation.  But it turned out not to be that – praise God.  (Not sure I could’ve taken that.)  It’s just that because of our age difference and language barriers, he didn’t know how to talk to me or what to say, and felt self-conscious.

Well, OK.  I think it would’ve been a lot easier and caused a lot fewer problems if he’d just come out in the beginning and said, "No, I’d rather not."  Told him that, too.  He said that he doesn’t like to hurt people’s feelings.  Hmm, just how was that supposed to work, again?

Anyway, we had a bit of a chat, one-on-one.  (I encouraged him to speak in Spanish as much as possible, as I understand it much better than I can speak it.)  I told him that I had enjoyed talking to him on our trip and that I liked him and had been looking forward to getting to know him better.  But that if he wasn’t comfortable with that, I wasn’t about to force anything on him.  I’d let things lie until (and unless) he wanted to.  He did tell me that he thought I was a good man, but that we were just too different to have much to say to each other.  I told him that I would have thought that different people would precisely be those who would have things to say to each other.  He nodded, looking unhappy.

Oh, and he did say he really appreciated the fact that I wanted to make his birthday special – it’s his first away from his immediate family – and that he felt bad that it just wasn’t working out.  I told him if he felt uncomfortable, that kind of defeated the whole point.  We pretty much left it there.  We’ll see where things go, I guess.

It was a difficult night for me after that.  It raised up way too many old spectres of past hurts.  What surprised me is how well I got through it – that I didn’t slip into obsessive thinking, or vengeful thought-patterns, or indulge in resentment.  I mean, I had a few tiny bouts with that stuff, but I recognized them and quashed them almost immediately, by the grace of God.

I think my talk with Fr. Jesse was a big factor in that.  But that the regimen of prayer I’ve been keeping up this Lent – not without a few lapses, but many fewer than usual – is an even bigger one.  And the People of Praise has been praying over me a lot lately too, and I definitely don’t discount that.  In particular, I’ve been able to tell Chris a few things about myself that I have told to very few others, and one thing I have never spoken aloud to another human being.  (No, that’s not required – a head’s authority extends only over the terms of the Covenant, and in any case does not interfere with proper Christian freedom – but Chris has become a good friend as well.  So has his wife.  They are very loving people.)  He’s prayed with me about these things.

Oh, one tiny bit of good news during the encounter:  Irving genuinely is reading the Bible I got him, a little bit each night.  Muahahahaha!!! 🙂  Just kidding.  A mildly humorous exchange passed between me and Juan over this:

Juan:  All these religious books.  Irving is going to end up very religious.

Isaiah Paul:  Hopefully!

Juan:  Maybe he’ll read them and end up not liking it and not going to seminary…

Isaiah Paul:  If he reads them and doesn’t like them, he shouldn’t be in seminary anyway!

Juan had no effective reply to that. 😉

Juan and I also talked a little about other stuff.  He’s transferred his skepticism from God’s existence to history – whether the Bible can really be trusted, whether the Church can really be trusted.  (Wondering aloud, for example, if the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe was just a fake by the Spaniards to fool the Indians into converting.)

Anyway, I view this as great progress.  I don’t think the Church has anything to fear from open-minded historical investigation.  😉  She has past shames to be uncovered, to be sure.  But more importantly, her Head is present in history as well…

Drat.  I have to go for now.  More later.