hello? venus to mars? COME IN, MARS.

do we even speak the same language?

what I say: Are you coming home?
what I mean: Are you coming home anytime soon?
what he hears: Are you coming home any time before dawn?

What he says: Yes, I’m coming home
what he means: Yes, I’ll be home sometime before the late night infomercials start playing.
what I hear: Yes, I’ll be home in about 20 minutes

What he says: Are you hungry?
What he means: I don’t want to come home yet, so I want to give you an excuse to come out with me.
What I hear: I’m hungry. Come watch me eat.

What I say: I could eat something
What I mean: I’m not hungry at all, but if you’re hungry, I’ll join you just because I want to spend time with you
What he hears: I’m starving. I would be reduced to gnawing off a leg if you didn’t ask me to go eat something. Quick, let’s eat before I go into a diabetic coma.

The result: After an hour and a half of waiting for him to get home, we end up going to our favorite bar, where we both end up drinking, and only I end up eating, which I didn’t really want to do either of, then nearly pass out in exhaustion, and we bicker the entire way home THEN, once we get home….. he makes a snack.

*sigh*