simpler days

Its funny how graduating from high school near-instantaneously changes our views on relationships. Or maybe it’s not the graduating that is key, but the subsequent going off to college.

In high school, dating is so simple. You like a boy (or girl), you do one of three things. For the very bold, you go up to them, tell them you like them and ask them, “Do you want to go out with me?”. For the somewhat less bold, you write them a note. Do you like me/Do you want to go out with me. Check Yes or No. And for those more timid, you send over your best friend to ask the person Do you want to go out with so-and-so?. no matter which way, by the end of the day, there was a clear-cut answer yes or no, as to whether you had a boyfriend/girlfriend; by the end of the day, you knew whether or not you were going out with someone.

I suppose the difference hasn’t really registered to me until recently. I had just come back from hanging out with Nick that day, and my sister and her boyfriend were sitting on the sofa. My sister, 16 years old and still in high school, turned to me and asked, “So are you going out with Nick now?” I started to say yes since, in the most literal meaning of that phrase, yes we were going out. That is, we went out on dates and did stuff together. But I stopped, because I realized that she was asking me if he was my boyfriend, in high school language, and had to respond differently.

And again the other day. I met a new boy on OKCupid, named Chris. He’s already come to visit me a few times, and we’ve gone out to the movies together. And so she asked again. “Are you and Chris going out?” I just stopped and sighed. “He’s not my boyfriend,” I said. “Yet,” she called after me as I walked out of the room. I just shook my head.

Why is the concept of dating non-exclusively so foreign to us when we are young? The concept of just going out and having fun with someone you get along with, without any labels. If you make out with someone, or sleep with someone, then they must be your boyfriend, because anything else is just unfathomable.

And yet some days I wish I could go back to that. Because silly as it sounds, labels feel more secure. When you’re the girlfriend, you’re allowed to get mad him for things like hanging out with the boys instead of you. For not calling when he said he would. For eyeing up another girl. For not communicating. You’re also allowed to tell him yu miss him when it’s only been a few days since you last saw him. You’re allowed to hold his hand or even his arm in public. If you do things like that with the boy who’s not your boyfriend, you just look silly. And maybe a little nuts. Clingy even.

How I long for simpler days.