tomorrow

I was bored this afternoon, so i clicked “random diary entry” and began reading this one girl’s diary. this girl is only 19 years old, and yet she’s been through more than i could ever imagine. It’s really interesting which entry i ended up on though, because it was the very first entry she wrote after her fiancee died in a car accident. It was a month after the fact (january 22– he died december 21)… i began to read and got sucked in, reading her entries from that point up until now, and feeling a small portion of the pain that she’s going through. Probably the worst part of the whole thing was that they had only become engaged the day before he died, and they had a 2-year-old daughter… but this whole thing has got me to thinking… yesterday i posted the lyrics to one of my favorite songs of all time, “100 years” by Five for Fighting… which basically says that you should live while you’re young and still have the chance, because you only get “a hundred years to live”… but the guy that this girl was engaged to was only 18… just a year older than me… i think its made me realize that not everyone gets their whole 100 years– any of us could go at anytime, without warning… when he died, he was just going to the store to get some soda… he’d be “back in five”…

life is so short and so precious, and today could be the last day for anybody… i can’t imagine what i would do if something like that happened to me… the girl says that the only thing keeping her going is that she knows she has to take care of her daughter, but a constant theme throughout all of her entries is “what if i had only…” done something different, or said something different… and she worries that she didn’t tell him she loved him often enough… or fought with him too much… i couldn’t believe that she was only 19!! it really brings a lot of things into perspective… you think that something like that couldn’t happen to you, because you’re young, and you’re happy, and you’re alive… people like that can’t die!!

unfortunately, death doesn’t discriminate and single out the old, the weak, and the sick… death can come at anytime for anyone… so for this reason, i want to make sure that everyone i know knows that i care about them, just in case… its not that i think i’m going to die, but really, you never know, so… carlin, JM, banana, chrissy, reno, alex, ryan, and everybody else… i love you guys… peace

If Tomorrow Never Comes
~Garth Brooks~

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and
Watch her sleeping
She’s lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights
And lay there in the dark
And the thought
Crosses my mind
If I never wake up
In the morning
Would she ever doubt
The way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know
How much I loved her
Did I try in every way
To show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time
On earth were through
And she must face
The world without me
Is the love
I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

‘Cause I’ve lost
Loved ones in my life
Who never knew
How much I loved them

Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for
Them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how
Much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there’s no second
Chance to tell her
How I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know
How much I loved her
Did I try in every way
To show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on
Earth were through
And she must face
The world without me
Is the love

I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone
That you love
Just what you’re thinking of
If tomorrow never comes