2004

I was writing the date on the top of my physics homework today and all of a sudden it hit me. Holy shit… its 2004. I’ve been waiting for this year my whole life, and now that it is, i just wish it would go away. 2004– the year I graduate. This is it, it’s really it. There’s no turning back now. In approximately 6 months, I am going to graduate from high school.  Another 2 months after that, after a summer filled with fun and friends, I will be leaving home. This is the year that I begin the rest of my life. Holy shit. It may not seem to be that big a deal, or even that surpising… I mean, I knew it was coming; have known. Its just that all of my best friends (Car, Banana, JM, Chrissy, Ren, Sarah, etc.), I only really got to know in  the last four years– during high school. It feels like I still don’t know them as well as I should, and some who have only very recently become friends (Alex, Sweeney, Jen C., etc.) continually surprise me with something new about them. I can’t leave these people. I love them all, with my whole heart, and I can’t imagine how I lived before them, or how I will live without them. Of course we’ll stay in touch– there’s email, and IM… but nothing beats deciding at midnight to go to a movie the next morning… or calling up just to say “hi how’s it going, do you want to come over?” Nothing beats walking to Dairy Queen together, or harassing old teachers. Nothing beats sharing inside jokes, or laughing at absolutely nothing. Nothing beats the smiles and the tears that we help each other through. Nothing beats the advice, or the teasing (because only a true friend could tease you like that). Nothing beats going to school dances without dates (except maybe going with them ;-)) Nothing beats *gifted parties* Nothing beats surprise parties. But you can’t do all of that when your circle of friends is spread out, each person at least 90 minutes away from the closest one, and half of them still in high school, left to sort this all out for themselves in the coming years. I love them all so much, and will miss them all so much, that I have tears streaming down my face as I write this…

I know this somewhat echoes a previous entry or two, but this is what I’m going through right now… this is what is on my mind. I actually think more about it than I write about it, but if i wrote about it all the time, then I’d be perpetually depressed, so I try to think about other things… I try to immerse myself in the things that we do together, drinking in every single moment as if it were the last… because eventually we will come to the last…