failure to communicate

‘ what we have here, is a failer to communicate’ …
can you tell i was watching Cool Hand Luke last night?

i used to love that movie. well not really what i loved was the time spnt with my father watching that movie.  or any other really, mostly John Wayne though, which would explain why im such a John Wayne fan.  but really none of this has anything to do with a failure to communicate..

when that scene in the movie came i was pouring a drink and tossing coppers baby for him not really paying much attention to the movie at that point. but when i came, when those words were spoken i could almost physically hear the bells that were going of inside my head.  ive gotten pretty good over the years at turning a blind eye and just telling myself things will work out.

communication is the key and when you have a communication failure you’ve lost the key. it should be an easy key to get back, you just open your mouth and speak say whatever is on your mind or in your heart.  but its not that easy.  what i have to say will hurt and i have no wish to hurt anyone, least of all him. 

so what do i say now? the truth. the truth is always best even when it draws blood. atleast then its a clean wound and will heal easier, it should at any rate, doesnt mean it will. 

how do you tell someone that you’re supposed to love that you dont love them.  no thats not right. i do love him, just not the way i need to love him for things to work out the way he’d like.
marriage is most deffinatly not in our future. not even a someday anymore.

so somewhere in this communication breakdown i have to pick up the line and start talking again, and when i do things will fall apart and he and i will again be cast adrift and you know, right now, that doesnt seem as terrible as it used to. it deffinatly seems better then being chained where you dont want to be.