this is how my day started – *edit*

Brian is the ex btw… the argument is over me not wanting our son to play GuildWars or WoW (2 of the MMORG’s that my en and i used to play.. well he still plays i dont) .. this is more for me then you.. just a place to kinda keep record of the things he sayd.. just in case ya know…

Brian: I got your email
j c: yeah i just sat down with my shoes and i can see you answered it
j c: gimme a sec to get my shoes on and ill read it
Brian: kk
j c: first off i didnt ask you to hover over him while he played
j c: and im aware i cant protect him from this stuff forever and i cant see how some asshole misstreating him could possibly be a good lesson
j c: how could some gay or girl saying or doing something they shouldnt do teach him anything? 
Brian: how can they really mistreat him?  He gets to careless and gives shit away?  so what/  then he doesn’t have his stuff any more, lesson learned
j c: im not talking about the shit he gives away
j c: im talking about these people that use his being nice as an excuse to get close to him and talk to him .. hes not stupid enough to try and meet someone he doesnt know  but they can still do harm in what they say
Brian: well, the best they can do is talk to him over the internet, and I monitor all of that stuff.
j c: you cant keep track of his conversations on the game  and the internet is a moot point i changed his password he cant use yahoo anymore
Brian: but that doesn’t fix anything.  You shold give him his yahoo back then continue to monitor what he does on it.  All that does is get him pissed off which helps no one.
Brian: i can assure you that if I thought the stuff that was going on in game was detrimental to him, I would agree with you completely, but I don’t think it’s really hurting him.
j c: i cant monitor what all he does on it.. i leave when he gets up im home after he gets home.. granted mother is here when he gets home  but shes not exactly internet/computer compatible  
j c: you ever watch that show to catch a predator? you know these people they catch think they are going to meet kids that are 12 or 13  and have sex with them.. guys anywhere from 18 to 62 
Brian: well I’ve got someone here any time he is on the computer.
j c: and its not just guys its girls too and and  some of them thought they were gonna go meet little boys 
Brian: and god help the poor bastard that come s to my house for that, the cops are the least of their worries
Brian: cause if I’m not home, Gretchen is
j c: well regardless its a pointless arguement i dont want him playing
Brian: how is it that your rules are absolute and mine don’t count….in my house?
Brian: cause I HAVE got someone here to check on him while he’s playing
j c: because you chose to give up custody
Brian: i didn’t choose shit.  You want to sign the partial custody papers over to me?  I’ll have them out to you in a weeks time, that’s not an issue.
j c: you should have done that when you had the chance with the dovorce paperwork
Brian: I couldn’t, you know that, because you didn’t put me on the birth certificate as the father, so I don’t have any legal rights to him unless you sign something saying that I’m his legal guardian in joint with you
j c: which you could have done back then just like you offered just now.. i even told you to do i would  give you partial custody  but you were in too much of a hurry to get it done and remarry to even give it a second thought

 *edit*

so im home now.. after along day of work in which i had nothing but time to think. 

and of course i have offlines on yahoo from brian.  which surprises me not at all since i left for work after my last statement to him. 

and this is what he said…

Brian (10/30/2006 6:33:09 AM): well, fine then, I’ll draw up the papers and get them out to you. I might have been in a hurry to get the divorce done, but as I recall, you were the one that left for good.
Brian (10/30/2006 7:04:00 AM): I’ll email you the Child Custody and Visitation Agreement, I have it saved to disk now. Look it over, if you can agree with it (it’s all legal), then I’ll get it signed and notarized here, then send it to you and you can do the same, then send me a copy of it or send back the original and keep a copy for yourself, either way.
jc (10/30/2006 4:42:54 PM): dont bother i wont sign it. and yes i am the one that left for good and i dont regret it and i doubt you do either since you now have what i so obviously failed to give you and im not talking about jacob. but this isnt about what you or i have done its about what i want for jessie and i want to feel like its safe for me to send him there. and really at this point i dont feel that it is. im not asking you to do something terrible im asking you to protect your son and i dont understand why you are unwilling to do it. yes hell be on vacation but so what? your his father you dont get a vacation from doing whats right for him.. be his father not his friend. you have tons of time after hes grown up to be his friend. 
jc  (10/30/2006 4:44:25 PM): ill tell you now if we cant agree on this he wont be coming for xmas or any other vacation he has. the next time youll see him he’ll be 18 and it wont be my decsision anymore. dont think this is a threat to get my way brian im serious.

so now i get to see if he calls tonight or tomorrow morning.. im sure hell be angry  but i really dont care.

im tired of being the bad guy here. i have to do whats best for lilman and as i see it whats best for him at this point is totally shutting brian out of his life.  oh yes he’ll be angry with me.. both brian and lilman.. but im angry with brian for makeing me make this decision.  i would prefer not to have to do it. i want lilman to see his father kids need both parents no matter what the situation.. divorce seperation whatever. but if im the only one thats going to do whats best for him  then brian has no right to even minor decisions… ill do whats right cut him out lilmans life.  i can almost hate him for this.. almost. its not in my nature to hate anyone… so lets just say that atm.. if he was on fire, i wouldnt be the one calling 911 to get it put out. 

am i wrong for this? like all mothers i have my childs best interest at heart.. but is there something im not seeing? am i too close to see? i hope not.  i feel like its wrong and im the kind of person that goes with my instincts most of the time so this goes against what i feel.  but  but but

my life is filled with if’s and but’s

this is a pretty big if.. i hope to whatever powers there are that im getting this one right.

you heard me right?  this is as close as i get to prayer.. so please… just please .. this once.. let it be… please <img alt="" src="http://www.opendiary.com/images/smileys/008

9.gif” />

so to you all

namaste and i hope your day was much better then mine