long gone or forgotten?

i used to be me

now i dont know who i am.

i used to treat people the way i wanted to be treated. but B ‘cured’ me of that.  i was very affectionate and not really touchy feely i would say but ever willing to give a hug and such.

but now i know how i’d like to be treated but im not sure how i’d react to it.

10 years of B and the way he treated me and im not sure anymore. .. thats not to say he treated me badly… very many women have had and do have it much worse. but lack of attention hurts just as much sometimes as the wrong kind.. only in a differeent way.. ya know?

so i dont feel like me and i certainly dont feel like you…

so who am i ?

on the inside im affectionate and warm i just dont know how to show it anymore. i’m fine with family and friends and my son .. but what about everyone else? dont they deserve to be treated nicely? well more nicely then i do already?

and really its not ‘nice’ its just more a lack of… interaction? 

i dont show very many people my true self anymore  since B spent 10 years telling me not to and i did pretty much everything he wanted to make him happy.

i forgot about me

so some where tucked into a closet or perhaps collecting dust on a shelf.. is the real me… a little tiny ray of light reaches her and thats the me that comes thru on occasion… i just need to find the rest of her shake her off and let her lose.

what a scarey thought..

to be the real me again…

i hope i like me. i dont recall really.

dont let anyone squash the real you.  its so hard to get back to being you when they are gone.