and the maybe’s have it.

it’s weird. one whole year not using this and now that the year is up i can, but still i don’t want to. i think the idea now is to just use this as a way to keep in touch with other poel and see what they’re writing abnout  and th ish.which i had been doing anyway. as for writing, maybe not so much. maybe sometimes. maybe the things that i don’t put in the LJ that no one really knows about. maybe. life’s full of them.

for instance, maybe i did ask ericka out. maybe we did have a realtionship and thigns worked out well. or maybe they didn’t. maybe then i wouldn’t be here writing this. maybe i’d be spending time with her. maybe i’d be doing something that i would like to be doing, no matter how mayn people say that it’s a bad idea, as opposed to just thinking about it. maybe everything went the way it was supposed to. or maybe i’m just hoping for too goddamned much. 

or maybe none of that is true right now, and i only want you to believe it is. maybe, i really am fine with the fact that she has a boyfriend, and is happy, and over an hour away, and doesn’t care about me in the slightest. maybe i’m okay with hearing all of my friends and hers saying that sh’es bad news and i sholdn’t want to be near her. maybe i’m really happy being where i am with the poepel i am with and no one to call my own… maybe that is exactly what i want and need.

and maybe everything i’ve ever talked about iis bullshit.

and maybe i hate you.

and maybe i love you

and maybe, just maybe…

nevermind…

peace and goodnight.