back… but i don’t know why…

i definetly think that life gets better the less you use OD.

Anyways… i took my driving test today.

and failed.

the end of that story… next?

i want to go on vacation the week after christmas, anyone interested??? i don’t care what we do, just something… just 4 or 5 days of not being here, and relaxing and not doing work… that’s what i  want to do, if anyone is of the same mind, call me and we make plans…

steph is back for thanksgiving… came home yesterday… i haven’t talked to her since i found out she came back… as to whether or not i will… well that depends on 2 things… how busy i am and whether or not she’;s going to call me… because no offense to her, i have better things to do with my time… and other people to talk to…

tomorrow is thanksgiving and i have no plans… i could go to my grandmother’s house and have dinner there, or i can go to my father’s girlfriends house and have dinner there, or i can do absolutely nothing… which is not what i want to do, but i think is better than any of the alternatives… last year i was with steph and her family… like all of it… and it was fun and great and the atmosphere was so much fun… and i liked it… that’s what i want to do… i want to have fun with someeone else and their family… and that probably makes me a bad type of person or something… but… i just like being around people that socialize and arre normal human beings in some way or another… my family most definetly is not… time for reminiscing…

i met her cousins aunts and uncles, her cousins wives, and their children… crazy thing is her cousins are only 2 or 3 yearas older than me… like most of the peole i know… but they’re teachers and all theses other things… and they have kids… WTF??? is that how people are really supposed to grow up and be successful, have a job like that and a family by the time you’re 23 or 24? because i’m screwed if that’s the truth… anyways… met the little baby of one of them and that was cool… don’t really like kids when they are at that annoying age between whenever they learn how to talk, and whenever they reach puberty… but this kid was still just a baby so that was fine… so someone passed the kid off to me and he;s looking at me playing with sometype of toy and out of nowhere he kinda just looks at me, sneezes in my face and then goes on doing whatever it is he was doing originally… then we watched Finding Nemo and Daddy Day Care… then i went home, and by home i meant her house because that was probably where i was staying at the time… i don’t remember…

blah… that’s what i want this year with my special someone, but her family doens’t like me… no wait, forgive me… her mother loves me i just don’t feel it… her father hates me… and her brother has got to get it together and stop pissing me off because i’ll knock him out the second he pisses me off past a certain point… and there have been many a time when he got that close, but i haven’t hit him yet because someone always stopped me… so yeah… me feeling accepted is probably never going to happen… so i can forget about actually being accepted… and as Mary Magdalene said during throes of passionate sex “jesus fucking christ!”

last weekend… or 2 weekends ago, was my last competition as a student, much to Athena’s chagrin… she didn’t want me to stop being her partneer, but i would be an idiot to let this opportunity pass me by, not to mention that my boss would probably fire me from a job that i only have anyway because he’s trying to help me, and not because they actually need me in the studio… so… it’s almost like him giving me $600 a month out of his pocket because he wants to be a better parent than my father actually is… but givingg me the oppurtunity to have a career, something that will last me the rest of my life, and something that i am good at?! hell man, i wouldn’t give that up for anything or anyone… it’s hard to find a job theses days, and it’ll be harder still in the days to come, and by god… i’ll never be that lucky again… so between now and april and may, when the next 2 competitions are, i will be trainging to be a dance instructor, and be have something for that i know can last me for the rest of my life… the only guarantee other than that i have is i’m going to die at somepoint… and even that isn’t necesarily true if the rumors are true and i really am peter pan…

i think that… actually i’m not sure how to say this… when people right in their ODs about anything at all, what they’ve done, who they’ve hung out with, i like reading my name and seeing that i’m appreciated in some way… and i realize that i actually don’t just hang out with my friends on random spur of the moment times or even planned… not even that… also i notice how when someone is not feeling well about something or another and they need someone to talk to, i’m not usually that person… is it because i’m unreliable, do i give bad advice? why? i’m not angry, i’m just confused as to why i’m overlooked… maybe i’m not, but it feels that way… :::shrugs::: whatever…

gods that feels way to high school angsty…

i think i’m done now… considering this is the first time i’ve been online in quite a while… i’d say that was a pretty decent update wouldn’t you say? going to Athena’s in a bit to hang out and then going to come home and probably play Halo 2 on campaign because i have most definetly GOT to give multiplayer a rest. plus… i still havent checked my mail since October so i’m sure that there’s a lot of shit i have to go through there… anyways… talk to you all later folx… bye.