deal or no deal?

i’m a little shaky. prolly from little sleep.

i’m all packed and ready to move all my ‘shit’ out of this place. i’m going home again. i’ve found it too difficult to live outside when it comes to funding. last night he was close to wanting to give up, i think. he vented to me and he doesn’t usually. at first he was about to cancel helping me move. i said i wanted it to be an all day or at least a long time ordeal. he’s only coming for a short time a while from now. he wants to be fair, since he went out shopping with me instead of helping her move. i’m glad that he chose to honor his promise rather than try to be fair.. but i hate that it was a serious consideration. i didn’t tell him to skip on her. he chose to. so if he did with me, then i would feel unfairly treated. and i still don’t know if he’s coming tonight. my insides tell me no, but they were also begining to say he wouldn’t come to help. so now it’s making me uneasy. he’s defying that sense inside me that has always prepared me. i don’t want to adopt a wholly negetive view, but..

i need a shower..

~debbi