so.. ill..

new perplexment! enter, stage car.

so me and this pirate have sommin going on, but in a very unreal sense of it. he claims to have attraction and feelings and schmig, but he knows that he’s not ready for sommin ike that. so either i wait or i play by his rules. and for the first time, i’m comfortable with it. it won’t be like with rabbit and his yelling and stupidity and it’ll be better than john’s scary habits and a lot like nick’s talks. and the times at john’s and the snugs with rabbit. i keep gathering all these pieces of people as they pass through my life. they keep taking pieces of me too. i’m not me. i’m everyone. and everyone is me. i can connect through everyone else, like live wires stretching through the entire population of everything, world universe and space. i’m a mocking bird. i mimic what i feeling through all the sensations and vibrations and reproduce it outward. i extoll it like air, but instead of carbon monoxide it’s like pouring out your heart to the sun to make it warm everything it can.

i just think my heart can’t be big enough to love all of it but it’s so natural when not faced with society. when you don’t have to look at who’s doing what and keeping yourself safe, you understand why we do things the way we do. very animalistic but it’s also very comforting at the same time. it’s natural. we are supposed to behave this way. we were blessed with thought and ideas and notions and ambitions and most still sit in front of television to have their opinions force fed to them, from the newsroom IV right into the core of their brain with the pictures burning themselves into their memories. what about how far we’ve come? what about every other sunset that’s going to come? what about when you die and the world progresses on? what about when you’re alone? so many things to talk about, but only some topics are "allowed." it’s not considered proper to talk of homosexuality or abortion in a relaxed atmosphere. sex and family traditions and god and religion and drugs and the real you and how you are inside are not supposed to be brought up. we get conditioned to what we think we should be talking about instead of talking about what interests us most. why do we stop our progression?

rarr.

~debbi